A Little Bit Of Joy | ?

Chapter Thirteen : The Girl Who Made His Heart Race

He looked through the glass-sheathed walls of the small, colourful flower shop and felt sudden warmth spreading through his chest when he saw Joy smiling brightly at Uncle Desmond. She was handing him the usual lilies packed in brown paper. He could feel himself getting embarrassed when he remembered that this wasn't the first time he had stared at her through the glass. For Joy, their first meeting was when he was about to commit suicide at the bridge, but for him, he had seen her way before that.

He always took the lane where this flower shop was located to reach home just so he could see her. He wouldn't admit that, not even to himself, but he loved to take a glimpse of her smiling at the customers. He used to not know her name, but he had heard about 'JJ' all over the town. It didn't take him long to figure out that she had cancer because she looked so frail and ill. She wasn't very pretty, but her smile would light up her entire face. That smile was a beacon of hope for him.

Although-sometimes, he had the urge to slap the smile out of her face. It was because the positivity became too overwhelming and he felt like a worthless piece of shit in comparison. She seemed to be filled with rainbows and sunshine even with the suffering she was going through.

"Good morning, Logan!" Joy exclaimed with a wide smile which was sickening to him, because today, he felt glummer and didn't want to get blinded by jolly things. "Why are you such a bum?"

"What?" he snapped, taken aback by her sudden remark.

"I know, I get it. You're probably going through a lot of poo in your life, but that doesn't give you an excuse to not be nice to people," she said bluntly, and he knew that she was saying the truth. "You need to try and be happy, be more social. When you're sad, I know you want to isolate yourself, but talking to people helps, you know?"

"I didn't ask for your advice," he muttered and she crossed her arms against her chest, raising her chin up defiantly which amused Logan.

"Well, I might be the only friend you have," she blurted out and he did feel a pang in his chest and as much as he wished to contradict her, she was partly true. There were only two people who could be considered as friends for him [apart from the ones on Facebook which he hadn't opened for four years], Rosemary and Jerry. The former he hadn't seen in a while and the latter who would soon refuse to be his friend if he didn't move out. He took a deep breath and tugged at his sleeves uncomfortably.

"What's your point?" he asked tartly and Joy didn't look happy when he hadn't proved her earlier statement of him 'having no other friends' false.

Joy was kind, too kind, Logan concluded.

"My point is that you need to get better, not bitter. What's up with the sulking? Today, you look more disturbed, did something bad happen? Sharing helps, just saying," she said with a casual shrug, but Logan knew that she cared which made him feel protected. Safe, even, but he knew that he wasn't special. Joy cared too much of others around her, he had seen the way in which she would take responsibility of her family and any random customer in distress who walked through the doors, demanding for flowers and a shoulder to cry on because of someone passing away or a breakup.

"I--- " he stopped, looking into her eyes filled with concern and curiosity. Should he tell her? What difference would it make when she anyway wouldn't be able to help him? Or maybe, she could help him? "I-I just needed a new place to live."

He watched her mouth form an 'O' shape, but he could see the struggle written on her face.

"Oh-okay, erm . . . What happened to your apartment?" she asked gingerly, trying her best to not push him for more answers than required which he admired. "You can check online for places on rent or something."

He sighed, not knowing how to make her fathom about this entire ordeal. "I'm not eighteen yet, I cannot sign a contract."

"What about your parents or . . . Hey, come on!" Joy shouted when Logan shook his head and started to walk away from her. Suddenly, he felt someone pulling his shirt from behind and irritation started to bubble inside him. He whirled around and glared at her, but the innocent glint in her soft blue eyes started to dissolve his anger.
"I won't let you walk away this time, Logan. I swear--- "

"My parents aren't here and I have lived alone for several months now with the help of a friend," he cut her off and saw the sympathetic look on her face. Sympathy didn't disgust him anymore, it used to. Now, sympathy made him feel that at least someone cared for him and that felt reassuring.

"Do you have a guardian?"

"Do you have a place in mind?" He hadn't meant to snap at her again, but he couldn't go on answering all her questions. She already knew much and revealing more could be dangerous to him. Before she had the chance to speak, the bells chimed and in came a customer.

Joy's features immediately eased and Logan watched a smile stretching across her lips, which oddly calmed him. The customer perused through the flowers and finally bought blue hydrangeas while Logan and Joy stood in silence. As the customer paid, Joy accidentally dropped a coin and both her and Logan stooped down to pick it up.

"I don't have a place in mind, but we can figure it out. God would never give you anything that you can't handle," Joy whispered and Logan glanced at her almost surreptitiously, they were standing too close.

His heart began to race as she stared at him with wide eyes. His gaze flickered towards her lips to avoid eye-contact and then down towards her protruding collarbones. Small freckles were peppered across her skin like little specks of dust. He looked further down and could see the swell of her round breasts. His throat went dry and his cheeks flamed as he immediately looked up in embarrassment. He hadn't meant to stare like that. Joy's eyebrows were drawn together in the slightest frown while she peered at him, her head tilted a little.

"Excuse me," the customer's voice broke their eye-contact as their heads bumped into each other clumsily and in panic. Logan swiftly picked up the coin from the floor and slammed it on the counter, while Joy cracked an apologetic smile to the customer. Fortunately, the counter had provided a barrier for them all this time. However, the customer gawked at them suspiciously, even while leaving the shop, considering how flustered they both looked.

"Oh no, where is Fred?!" Joy suddenly screeched and started tapping on the empty jar hysterically. "I was feeding him just five minutes ago and accidentally left the jar open! How dumb can I be? We have to find him!"

"He's a stupid worm," Logan spat out with his nose scrunched up.

"Ah really? I thought Fred was my long lost brother!" she screamed dramatically and Logan didn't understand why she was being so frivolous.

He ignored her when she started to search everywhere and stalked towards the fridge in the storage room for water. Suddenly, he heard a noise of something getting squished under his right shoe. His eyes shut in its own accord and he lifted his leg. Opening his eyes the slightest, he scowled at once fat and healthy Fred which was now a gooey mess.

"Help me find him, Logan!" He heard Joy's faint voice and swallowed. "I-I kept Fred because I wanted him to die with me. I-I don't want to die alone, Logan, I don't want to die alone."

Logan didn't say anything, went inside the bathroom to clean his shoe and quietly came out to pretend and search for Fred with Joy.

Fred was anyway doomed to die.

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A/N :

So far, Logan's very cynical about life and his perspective on life isn't necessarily right and it wouldn't be right unless he gets better and understands better. Do vote, comment and share if you're enjoying :)