Save Me

Chapter Nineteen

So I'd done it. I'd said it. I'd offered to give him the one thing I'd never given anyone before - the opportunity to fuck me.

Immediately after I'd said it, I regretted it. I didn't want to give him all of the power, to have him use it however he saw fit. That was what sex had always been about for me - power and control. It was mine. But letting him fuck me, the thought hadn't dawned on me until I'd already offered it to him. I couldn't take it back. I had to follow through, even though a big part of me didn't want to, feared what it would be like, the memories it might make me relive from my childhood. I wished I hadn't said anything to him at all.

There was a pause after I'd offered, and he'd smiled teasingly in response.

"Really? You want me to top you?" he asked, grinning.

"Uh," I began, still feeling nervous. "I don't know. Maybe. Probably."

"You don't sound too sure about it," he said, his body splayed out over my mattress, his legs spread apart and my blanket thrown over his crotch, hiding his naked body underneath it. I'd somehow managed to migrate onto my desk chair at the opposite side of the room, trying to feel more comfortable in a situation where I felt the control I had over myself slowly slipping away.

I let out a long breath, and decided to break the silence that had fallen over us. "I'm okay with it," I decided, after choosing my words carefully.

I was lying, and maybe he knew that, but he didn't let on that he did. That was something I admired in him - his ability to brush things off quickly, to seem perpetually cool and unfazed. I was hot-headed and easy to anger, so it was nice to see someone who barely reacted to anything, who was barely shocked at anything I had to say.

He stood up off the bed and let the blanket fall to the floor, standing naked, his dick hanging in plain sight. He closed the space between us, and held a hand out to my face, kneeling down to my level. His eyes were hued a flickering greyish-blue, looking at me like I was the only person in the world that mattered to him. I didn't believe it, or trust it, but I didn't stop it either, and I wasn't sure why.

His hand was holding my cheek, his touch tender and gentle, and I felt myself sinking deeper into him, into the enigmatic shimmer that he gave off constantly, a weightlessness or carelessness that I once had, and craved to have again.

His lips twitched when he moved closer to me, his finger running along my bottom lip, pressing his whole hand along the curve of my jaw, down to the back of my neck, pushing my head closer to his. He kissed me softly, my eyes closing as I tried not to panic, tried to keep what little control I had left.

My stomach was fluttering, holding my breath, letting myself get lost in the moment with him. Both of his hands caressed the skin around my collarbones, my shoulders, and back to my neck, where his fingers tightened their hold, squeezing gently. I let out a gasp when his fingernails scraped the skin, digging in, and our lips broke apart so he could lower his head to my neck and press his lips against it. His teeth scraped along the skin of my neck, biting, sucking hard, breathing so deeply against my skin that goosebumps were beginning to raise on the surface. I clenched my fingers in reaction, my entire body tightening from his touches.

We were back on the bed sometime after that, fumbling with each-other, our breaths exasperated but slow. I lay there on my back, with Luke lying over me, one hand stroking my dick and the other wrapped around my neck, pressing harder.