Redemption [3]

Picnic Dates and Plans

"Wow, so what I do doesn't matter!"

"That's not what I mean..."

"Then tell me what you mean Nate, and do so quickly before you piss me off more."

"What I mean is, you don't have to work. I have nothing without the Spectator. It separates me from my family so I can show everyone that I can stand on my own and make something of myself."

"Nate, you are editor and chief of a gossip newspaper. Which remind you were funded by your grandfather."

"You're not understanding me E, I..."

"Then make me understand Nate. I thought at the wedding when you told me about seeing me in your future meant we were in a good place. Then I find you wanting to spend time with Lola that's when everything changed."

"Why do you keep bringing her up?"

"You brought her up first dumbass!"

"I brought her up because you were acting rudely in front of her!"

"I was not. How dare you say otherwise!"

"Ella, you were yelling at me basically accusing me of not caring for our friend."

"Because you weren't helping to come look for her or even wonder where she was. No, you were too preoccupied with drinking some beer with a catering waitress!"

" How do you know about the beer?"

"Because after we found Blair I came back hoping to come home to you so we can talk things out or at least get some sleep together. But when I arrived you weren't there. I saw the beers on the table. I waited for you to come home to me for an hour Nate. But you never showed. I even asked one of the employees to let me know when you would be coming back."

"You were checking up on me?" Nate sounded offended that I would possibly do such a thing.

"I was wondering where you were and I even tried calling, but you left your phone in your room."

"But when I came back you weren't there. Where did you go?"

"I headed over to Lily's to stay in my old room. I didn't want to be alone that night, but that's exactly what happened. So, where were you?" Nate looked worried when I asked him.

"I was out. I..."

"Nate, I'm not a clingy girlfriend. You've been amazing by supporting me through my miscarriage and all, but that night still worries me. I was heartbroken hearing that my best friend basically forced herself into a loveless marriage to protect her family. My brother was heartbroken once again and you were nowhere to be found. I needed you that night so I could believe love still exist and it can happen for people like us. So, I'm going to ask you one more time. Where the hell were you?"

"I was talking with Lola." I take deep breathes not wanting to freak out.

"All night you were with her?"

"Because I like hanging out with her. She's funny and takes away all the pressure from my life." My heart is breaking hearing these words. I'm his best friend and the woman he loves. Could I be adding pressure to his life and now he seeks salvation in the arms of another?

"You like hanging out with her?"

"Yes, I can have friends outside of our circle Ella."

"I never said you couldn't, I'm just surprised."

"About what that I have a friend who's not friends with the rest of us?"

"No, that I've caused stress in your life." Nate's face fell hearing what I said.

"Ella, that's not what I meant. I..."

"I mean it's true. You had to deal with me losing a baby I didn't even know I had and then my nightmares I had for months after about it. You had to stress over Blair and Chuck's drama. I'm sorry that my being with you has caused you stress." I stand up to leave not wanting to deal with this mess anymore.

"Ella, please don't leave. I...It's not what I meant." I have tears streaming down my face as I look at Nate who has his hands hovering over my shoulders.

"Then what did you mean? Tell me, Nate, because I can't handle this ambiguous tension between us."

"What I was trying or meant to say is. I liked hanging with someone that's not from our world. Lola was refreshing to talk to and gain perspective on life. She's funny caring and I need a friend like her who will be honest with me just like you."

"Why do you want that?"

"Because as much as I was hurt about you telling me I wasn't good our first time, I still loved how honest and direct you were. And with you going back to modeling and school and I needed someone to hang out with. One who can show me the same amount of honesty that you share with me every day."

"You're hanging out with Lola because you want friends?" He nods. Nate then takes my hands in his.

"Lola doesn't even want to be friends with me. Our world is too much for her and she doesn't want to get involve with it. But I want you to know that you should never for any reason doubt how much I love you. People enter my life everyday Ella, but only you have made me realize what I truly want in the world and that is to make you happy for the rest of our lives."

"Nate, I appreciate the kind words, but you're forgetting one part."

"Like what?"

"Me going back to work."

"Oh, yeah and..."

"I love what I do. And you may see it as something that doesn't matter, but for me modeling has allowed me to meet people I would never have met before. All the money I make from modeling I invest it into bettering my community and the world. I reinvaded the New York Public library and implemented after-school programs where kids can get tutoring. My job may not seem that important to you Nate, but it's something I will always love."

"It was wrong of me to see that. Please let me make it up to you."

"Maybe next time don't be a straight-up ass and I won't have to feel hurt like this." Nate takes my hand and rubs circles on it.

"I know I've been distant since the wedding, but it's only because reality is hitting me that our life isn't us having lunch together all the time at the Spectator. That I'll have to schedule myself in just to see you and..."

"Nate, I always have time for you. I've cut back on the jobs I take because I don't want to be out of the country as much as I have been. The majority of my hobs will be held in the city, it just happens this first one I have to do in England. Please understand that we may be busy but that won't stop us from being together."

"I know I shouldn't worry but Ella I loved our time together. I loved knowing that after a long day I would come home to you."

"Babe, I loved living with each other too, but I was always going to get my own place. You love living with Chuck."

"Yeah, but I love living with you more." I kiss Nate's cheek.

"How about after I come back we make a deal that we spend at least two nights a week sleeping at one of our places."

"I would like that very much. And how about we make plans that you'll be home for Valentine's day."

"Do you have something planned?"

"I've had these reservations at this restaurant I know you'll love and then followed by a surprise. But only if I know you'll back in time."

"I'll clear my schedule." Nate and I meet for a kiss. "You know I've never pegged you for such a romantic."

"Trust me, Bass, I'm going to romance the hell out of you." Nate jokes and I love it.

"I'll hold you to that." Nate and I dig into our lunch. I hate fighting with him, but a healthy relationship isn't always about agreeing with each other and being happy all the time. I understand that Nate want's friends but I just don't want him to forget me in the process.

I love Nate and I love him with Ella, but he can be clueless sometimes.