What I Cannot Say

Part 1

"Tzuyu-ah, know that I say this not to make you feel better, and believe me you won't, but to help you out." Tzuyu nodded, bracing herself for what was to come. "Think about it Tzuyu. It's not just about how you guys appear in public, but all the time you are together, you kind of act as if you didn't want Jihyo-unnie to be there. At best you pretend she was not there, and at worst you tell her off with your savage jokes."

Tzuyu's head hung low.

"Like, it's just joking if it happens every now and then, but I've never seen you act anything different than that."

All Chaeng said was true, every single word.

"I sometimes wonder what Jihyo-unnie feels. I mean, she might or might not like you back, that I don't know, since she takes great care of us all. She's a god already according, but if she really doesn't mind, she must be a real one."

Chaeyoung rarely acted serious, but when she did, her words cut deeper than any knife.

"I think she gets it now Chaeng, well said." Dahyun intervened, signaling Chaeyoung to stop. She wrapped her arm around the pile of self-loathing known as Tzuyu. "There, there. You know she means well." Seeing the gesture did not work well, she pulled Tzuyu in a hug.

Taking comfort in Dahyun's embrace, Tzuyu was determined to do something to salvage the situation.

____

Said determination had all but vaporized when she stood rigidly in front of Jihyo's door the next day.

It had taken all she had to cross the corridor from the maknae room to the largest room, where Jihyo, Jeongyeon, Sana and Mina currently resided. All possible scenarios played in her mind, and it was more distracting than reassuring, seeing as her depraved self somehow managed to end all said scenarios with them being naked and kissing in bed.

It was quite clear that Tzuyu, overwhelmed with guilt and eager to make a move, did not quite think it through before she decided to ask Jihyo out on a date.

She just never noticed how empty her head was until she opened the door, and it was already too late to back out.

Around the room, the senior members of TWICE were going about their normal business. Nayeon was in the middle of a phone conversation, while Mina had her head buried in her game. Tzuyu decided not to be a bother, redirecting her attention to Jihyo. She was noisily rolling around on the bed with Sana in front of a phone screen; they were most likely in a Vlive session, Tzuyu deduced. That managed to suppress her sudden jealousy from flaring up too much.

She was about to sneak out and close the door quietly, but Jihyo noticed the new presence in the room.

"Tzuyu-ah! Do you need anything?"

"... Um, no I don't. I just came to hang out." She quickly lied.

"Come join us then, some fans are calling for you. Well they always are, but still." Jihyo said, making Sana giggle. Tzuyu hesitantly complied, climbing on to the small bed. There was not enough space, so she- in a random stroke of cheekiness- opted to half-lie on top of Jihyo, her head resting upon the older girl's right shoulder. She smiled at the front camera and whispered 'Hello', all the while adjusting her position so that she would not put too much weight on the girl beneath her. She was suddenly conscious of how closely her and Jihyo's body were touching, only separated by their clothes and a thin layer of blanket. To Tzuyu's infinite relief, her leader did not seem to mind.

They stayed like that for a while, animatedly replying to fans' queries. Every now and then, Tzuyu had to fend off Sana's mischievous attempts to sneak kisses on Jihyo's squishy cheeks, half of which she did not succeed.