STATIC (LGBT)

Chapter 51

I bought PowerBait “Power eggs” and PowerBait “original scent”…

If you think about it… those names could be used for another type of product.

“Dude, this is going to be hard.” Jessica said from over a few 20 meters away.

I chuckled feeling the humor in my last thought. I raised my head and yelled at her, “It’s only trout! Whoever gets 5 first cleans them all!”

And like always, through our attempts to use the bait adequately, to steal fish from the other and throw them back in, and to level out our abuse towards nature… we finished quite quickly. In the end, I won only by one fish, but Jessica got the largest.

Due to that, we were both in charge of cleaning our own.

It had been pretty funny, really, because that big one was a female. A large female with loads of eggs inside.

You could tell when she opened its belly. At the back there were two lines of yellow round stuff packed together.

“Ew,” I said laughing slightly at her look of disgust, “Suck it up, hon.”

“Shut it, you love-bird.” She had answered back right then.

“Just get it done with already.” I said sticking the knife inside my last one.

That’s when I had first felt the drop of water. Too small to really notice… but small enough to notice the change after ten minutes.

Jessica cleaned her stuff quickly and put them away as the rain started to pour. “It’s barely 1.50! How come it’s raining?”

I shrugged at her upset face. Probably, it reflected mine in a much more exaggerated manner.

 “Bummer, true.” I said to her laughing, “I would have liked to stay a little longer.”

“Come on now!” Jessica said as she ran back to the SUV. “I don’t want mud all over the car floor!”

Of course she didn’t so I grabbed my stuff and the cooler and tried to head towards the same direction right behind her.

But something had caught my eye.

I glanced up, feeling the rain trickle onto my eyelashes. It was so strong that my clothes were already wet and I could almost not see anything.

Of course, except for the way the lake looked. As the raindrops fell, I could see a small cloud of water rise on top of the lake. All those little exalted droplets rising as the ones above fell.

Interesting concept.

So, after a few more prolonged seconds, I got back into the SUV to warm myself up. The car engine was already started and Jessica smiled at me somehow understanding that I felt much better now.

“Let’s get going now, alright… you idiot?” Jessica had asked me.

“You own the car.” I took off my shoes and set my feet on the dash. “But yeah. Go on. I’m fine.”

 

--

 

“I know.” I said. “…I know.”

When Alex glanced at me I could not hold her eyes. I could not hold anyone’s eyes. They were all in here. And I knew.

But I did not want to know.

Why did I have to know before hearing it?

I know why.

It was in their expressions. In the way Heather looked at me. In the way Matt was not here with my parents. In the way my dad held my mom’s waist against his body. In the way Alex covered her mouth, showing how much she’s trying not to cry. Showing how much and how badly she actually cares.

Why?

Why, why, why?

WHY?

 

I’m so sorry… I said to myself. Or to someone.  Or maybe to her. Or to something. Somewhere. Sh*t. I’m SO sorry!

 

But I don’t know what I’m sorry for or for whom.

 

“I’m so sorry.” And as for the millionth time in this past two months, I felt Alex cradle me in her arms, filling my body with a warmness that made me pour everything out. “It’s not your fault, Zoë.”

 

I feel so selfish.

I can already feel how bad it hurts. How bad it personally hurts… and I know others are worse off. Matt, her parents.

Or maybe not.

They were not there.

They were not there.

…

…They were not there. Not at the lake. Not in the rain. Not in the car. Not against the tree. Not upside down. Not in the ambulance. Not there.

 

“I-I’ll have to make orchestra-” I started saying but my voice cracked. And, almost immediately, Alex´s arms wrapped around me even tighter, even if it hurt. “- arrangements.”

 

I glanced down at Alex´s iPod which was replaying the song she was pretending to play.

So close by, I knew which one it was.

And I was going to remember such a beautiful song with such a bitter impression.

 

La vie en rose