Save Me

Chapter Twenty-Nine

"It wasn't for attention, come on, I'm not that much of a saddo. So, did you rescue me? Did you phone the ambulance, hold my hand, pray for my survival?" he teased.

"You're a fucking cunt," I stropped.

"I'm sorry, then, alright? Now get back in the car, before you make a big scene out of nothing."

"Out of nothing?" I shouted, getting back in the car and slamming the door. "I thought you were dead! You tried to fucking kill yourself, and I'm the one making a scene?"

"It wasn't like that. I'm sorry, really, about all of it. It was a bad day for me, and I just... I relapsed, okay? It happens. I'm trying. You have no idea how hard it can be, sometimes, that feeling, that need for it."

"What did you take?"

"Just a couple of pick-me-ups," he claimed, waving a hand melodramatically.

"Only a couple? That's not an overdose. What did you take, really?" I repeated.

"Alright, alright. If you really wanna know... I took a couple different benzodiazepines (you know, diazepam, temazipam, clonazepam, lorazepam - all the pams, really) a few lines of coke, some ketamine, a fuck-load of opiates, and just a smidge of ecstasy on the side."

I couldn't believe him. "Why did you take so much, you utter twat?"

He shrugged. "It didn't matter what I took, or how much. I just needed it. Something that would make me escape reality, you know?"

"Yeah, you nearly escaped reality permanently. I thought it was all my fucking fault, that you were dead and I was left here... by myself. I can't believe you. How are you even alive?"

"The big guy in the sky must like me. Now let's drive, this is getting so very tedious, Buttercup, and I'm on a tight schedule."

"Well, where to... Bougainvillea?"

"Forwards," he answered. "Drive, Buttercup, drive!"

The motorway ahead continued westward, deeper into Cornwall, towards Penzance. "You want to go back there?" I asked shakily.

"Back home," he confirmed.

"Why?"

"I just think, you know, it's probably best that we part ways sooner rather than later."

"Why?" I repeated.

"It wasn't going to last forever, you know, me tagging along with you. Look where I ended up! In hospital, barely clinging to life. But it's strange even now, seeing you act like you care."

"I do care," I said. "How could you think I don't? I know it'll never happen for us, I took that hint a long time ago, but those kinds of feelings don't just go away, Darby. If it was real enough, it stays with you forever."

"What are you saying?" he asked, his gaze meeting mine.

"I think you know."

"And what was all that talk about guilt earlier?" he asked, swiftly changing the subject. "Tom, I understand, and me, obviously. But Luke? That's new, isn't it? I thought he died when Tom was a kid."