?Running With Scissors ?

?c h a p t e r 19?

"What?"

"You're just something else, Scissors. Is there ever a time you can't eat?" He's being playful again and it's starting to worry me.

Tilly, the waitress, brings us our mugs and a container of cream. She left just as silently as she came.

"Are you sick?"

He deeply inhales the coffee scent before taking a swig; no cream or sugar just like a masochist.

"I don't believe so."

"Then why are you smiling?" I fix my coffee properly with copious amounts of sugar making it more syrup than liquid.

"Do you not like my smile?"

"Your smile is beautiful. In fact, seing that your mouth can do more than frown or curse is an accomplishment in its self." I sip my drink.

"Too bad we couldn't continue our night because I was planning on showing you more things my mouth is capable of."

The coffee I was in the process of swallowing spewed out my nose. I was not expecting him of all people to say that. He just dirty talked to me, in a diner, around other humans...

I think I fell into a parallel universe.

"Why are you being nice?" I wipe my nose and face trying to pretend I didn't just lose all my dignity. "It's freaking me out. Can we go back to you being mean all the time... except in the bedroom because that was hot."

"You want me to be mean to you?" He laughs a deep, hearty laugh. For a second I forgot that we were in public and all I want to do is run my fingers over his jaw.

"No, I don't want you to be mean. I want you to be yourself. I only assumed yourself was mean. Was I wrong?"

His face turned serious. "Scissors, I'm not a good man. You just saw me kill three people... "

"Hey I tried to help!" I interrupted.

"You don't need to know what it's like to take a life. I am mean and ruthless. I have tortured and killed many men. One day I will make amends if I can but you need to know what I am. The truth is," he looks away as if trying to find the right words. "I care for you in a way I have never really cared for anyone, not even myself. I'm still the same arse I was when you brought me to your home but the wall that I put up between me and the world isn't there with you. You're have a pureness that I will destroy if I get to close. I'm no knight in shining armor and I never could be."

He. . he thinks I'm pure.

Now would be a great time to tell him who I really am, what I've done but I can't. I'm not worried that he'll arrest me one day, I'm worried he'll get caught up in the life I ran from. He thinks I'm this innocent girl but what he doesn't know is that I've been ruined for a long time now.

I reach across the table and grab his hand. "Luca."

His eyes meet mine. The look in his eyes tell me everything. He feels unworthy, like I'll leave him to deal with this all on his own. Truth be told, even if I had an out, I don't think I'd take it. Michael is safe, I'm sure I lost my job by now and Luca needs me. He might not see it, but in my eyes, he is worthy.

"I would choose a knight with cuts, bruises and scars over one in shining armor any day. A knight with new armor means he hasn't seen battle. The battered knight is a real fighter and if there ever came a time I needed saving, I'd know he would stand courageously."

Luca looks at me with his usual unreadable expression except his eyes hold a softness behind them. Luca is neither a good guy or a bad guy. He is an honourable man who's done some terrible things. He followed the orders he was given, refused to be bought and paid the price. Truth be told, I feel safe with Luca. Not because he's already saved me several times but because he did it when he could have let me die. Now I'm a burden on him but not once has he said it. He has protected me and a few hours ago he begged me to let him love me.

Our waitress plopped four plates in front of me along with syrup, butter and hot sauce.

Mmmmmm. Food!

"Yer not goin' to eat all of that are ya?" The old woman asked.

"Watch me." I grin cheekily.

When she leaves I hand an extra fork to Luca. He's slept even less than me and I have yet to see him eat since that burger I bought him our first day together. He takes it trying not to smile.

"So," I say after shoving half a pancake in my mouth.

He looks at me with knowing eyes but won't answer me until I ask him a direct question. I swallow my food and continue.

"I have a few questions. How did DeLeon find us- I'm assuming it's him unless the initials DL on the tattoo stands for something else- and more importantly how did he find us in an FBI bunker unless the FBI told him, which would makes sense because they got in without tripping alarms. In that case why didn't they send their own agents?"

He ponders my questions for a moment while pushing eggs around on his plate.

"I don't know, Constance." He thinks silently while I eat.

I want to keep asking him questions, not just about tonight but questions about his job at the FBI that I've been holding onto since he told me what his job was. Questions like, do they know who killed JFK, did we really land on the moon, how do they keep glue from sticking to the inside of the bottle and why did aliens leave after building the pyramids?

But I push those down for a later, more appropriate time when he starts speaking again.

"There was a man at the store I went to who was acting suspiciously. He kept his head down, asked about you and when I drove off, I swear I saw him watching me from the window. I didn't think much about it until now."

"How can someone asking about me not sound suspicious?" I roll my eyes and gesture at him with my fork.

Luca looks away like he knows what he's going to say will make me react. "No, not you specifically. He asked if I had a girlfriend."

I puff my cheeks out, trying to keep from smiling but only succeeding in looking like a fish. "Yeah, that's really suspicious."

"Don't." He points a finger at me.

I look away, trying to imagine what Luca must have done for someone to ask him if he had a girlfriend. He doesn't exactly look like a kept man, more like a grumpy raccoon with those black eyes. When I make eye contact with Luca, instead of his normal hardened expression, he seems happy. We nearly got killed but somewhere under his cold exterior there's a hint of warmth.

"Well, let's go see this matchmaker." I wipe my mouth with a napkin and push away the plates.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Let's see... One, I told you he's suspicious and two, it's located in the wrong direction and three, a few hours after I visited there, I killed some people so," he pauses for dramatic affect, "No."

***
Who would you choose?

Knights who have already fought and won vs. Knights who are new, shiny and never seen battle.

I know my choice.

Forget the knight, I'm snatching myself a fancy chef who can make me endless amounts of food.