STATIC (LGBT)

Chapter 53

Heather looked down at her watch, “3.34”

One hour then...

“Why?” Heather asked me. She frowned at me noticing that I was too lost in thought, which I usually am not.

“I'll tell you later.” I clutched my folder and pressed it against my leg. “I know I asked already but...”

“She's good. Doing better by the day....Yes, that one. Thank you.” Heather said pointing at the ice-cream she wanted. Then she looked at me. “Are you gonna get any?”

That's the other thing... I'm thinking too much. At night it's so hard to fall asleep because no thought fails to keep me hooked on reality. There's so much I have to do... I find it really normal... you know, how we sometimes have too much we can handle... but this time it's about what they actually mean.

I need to give the IMT Director an answer. I need to lift Zoë up because... it's not that I underestimate her strength. It's just that... there's something I have to do. What if I don't? What if we just leave this all there and added up to the ambiguity of everything that will happen in these following months?

“Alex.”

“Sorry.” I said looking down at our cups of ice-cream laying between us on the metal table.

“No. It's fine.” Heather said taking a spoonful of her chocolate ice-cream. She leaned back on her small chair and looked out the big, glass wall. “I don't blame you for it. We all have a lot to think about...”

We definitely did and that's what we talked about.

We talked and it was difficult. It was hard for Heather to explain to me what was going on with Simone, what was going on with Matt and Jessica's family. It was hard for her to really describe how Craig was doing the effort to hang out with Matt once in a while. It was all really difficult especially when she tried to talk about herself and what she was remembering. Yet, in the end, it was the same for everyone. Even how we react to what the other says. It's a comprehensive nod and a “hm...” or “yeah...”.

So, all that is left, is to tell and move on. Even if some of you don't want to. Even if it seems like the coldest thing to do. You have to pretend that things are completely okay... just not in the old way.

“Zoë's arm is getting stronger.” I commented, finally, without having anymore to say.

We remained in a long silence... air-conditioner running, ice-creams finished, eyes a little tired... Until she said it. Asked it. “Do you think she's going to finish it?”

“I don't know.” I confessed to her clutching my folder again. “But everyone has practiced the songs...”

“Yeah, but without conductor there's no way we can preform any time soon.” Heather moved her hands up to her hair and ran her fingers through it. I noticed she cut it shorter – probably for the season. “It's not fair to put pressure on her but...”

I looked down feeling the burden of this all. I mean, it's true. Zoë has to make a decision about it. She really has to but in the way she is now maybe she won't make one. Or maybe she'll just say to stop.

Or maybe, just like usual, she'll make a spontaneous decision that no one saw coming.

That would be great, whatever it turns out to be.

“I-I want to do something.” I said, raising the folder. I looked up at Heather and she eyed me with a curious look. It wasn't one that had a hint of mischief or any joking tone... just expectantly curious. So I opened the folder and showed her what was inside. The different versions, the different voices, the different notes... “I thought that, maybe, we could adapt it.”

Heather traced her fingers along the many lines. For about more than a minute she just stared but I knew she was imagining... hearing it... and at some point she'd just turn the pages one after the other. Soon, she was locking her eyes with mine and giving me a small, gentle, and sad smile. “Why did I never know you could be such a genius?”

“I'm not.” I said to her leaning back down on my chair.

Heather smirked, “No one would be able to do that. Not such an arrangement.... Maybe Zoë but she's one to keep it as it is.”

“Well...” I said... and remembered how Zoë always mentioned how I like to change things up. Maybe she's right. Both of them are... “What do you think?”

“It's great.” She answered, “But, then, you'd have to conduct it.”

It took me a while... but I responded back to the observation... because I knew it. “I know.”

I also know that personally, it's Music Engineering I want to do. Or Audio Engineering – however you want to call it. Maybe even production if it comes to that...But conducting was totally different.

Everyone was there, like I expected. Even Craig, Simone and Matt. Everyone except for Zoë and Jessica... and everyone knew why on both of those cases. Either way, it was admirable. They really were all there.

“So finally the hidden queen is here.” I heard someone say...

“You could be a little more sensitive, Frank.” I said to him without having to look back to verify.

“Actually,” He responded sounding cocky yet...I felt him approach my side next to the photocopier. “Give me those. It's my office.”

Before I could say anything, he grabbed the sheets from my hand and immediately started doing a better job that me. I listened as the pages came out in silence and as Frank switched from page to page. And I guess that I wasn't in the mood to annoy him today. Something he noticed.

“It really has taken a toll, hasn't it?” Frank asked without looking at me. His long-sleeved white shirt was the only thing I faced. “Everything... not only the girl.”

Zoë. That's what he meant.

I didn't answer back but I waited for the copies to be done. When he handed them to me he gave me a strong look with his eyes. “Tell her to hurry up. Her presence makes things more interesting around here.”

“Yeah. Sure.” I answered back but I wasn't sure if he heard me since we both left the office from different doors.

“Those ready?” Heather asked me once I got to the auditorium. “Got them all?”

“Yeah. Here.” I said handing her all the ones for the wind instruments and I knew, right then, that I was really going to do this. I...

I handed the copies to Kai, the percussion guy, to Craig, brass, and to Matt, strings, so that they'd hand them out respectively.

Gosh...

“So...” I said out loud inside the mouth of the semi-circle the rows of instruments made. “We know the process.”

And they stared down at their music sheets. Their eyes roamed the notes and the title of the songs... and then to the last page where I left a personal note...

I glanced at some of the people I knew best and their faces wasn't full of anything other than that look you get when you feel you have to do something. So, after a few minutes, some people looked back up at me and when it started... conducting really was way different.

Totally different.

 +++

Right, so... Hey guys! Well, just to tell you guys that there's only a few chapters left after this one. Around three.

After the story is finished it will be incredibly edited and some parts may change, cuz, well, I started writing this more than a year ago so it'd be good to re-check everything.

See you!

Kewk :3