Back at Step One (COMPLETED)

Thanks for understanding guys! You guys are the best!

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I sat back at the swivel chair sa kwarto ko, putting the other journal sa may study table saka inopen yung desk lamp na nandun. I opened the red journal then started reading.

The name Thea Andrea was given to me maybe by a mere whim nila Mama Val at Papa Paul.

Maybe it’s coincidence, or purely reasoned, the thing is, hindi ko alam.

 

I never thought of asking my parents that. Why was I called Thea? Why was named Thea Andrea? But I’m afraid na baka mamaya yung tanong kong yun, magalala lang sila. Alam mo yung sense na lahat ng kilos at galaw mo nakabantay sila.

 

I didn’t hate it, but I hate it now. Kasi feeling ko talaga may posibilidad nga akong mabaliw.

Ganito ba talaga ang buhay? Masaya ka muna, tapos pag masaya ka na kukunin na agad sayo? Like it was just giving you a taste of what it’s like then taking it away, parang isang sutil na ate sa kanyang kapatid. Though I’d never do that to Sophie of course, I just love the kid too much to do so.

 

Hindi ko lang alam kung bakit ako ang naging prinsesa ng mga Alcantara. I’m too hard to be a princess, and yet here I was, the one they all are concerned of, the one that they all have their eyes on, the one that they wouldn’t let their sights on.

 

Parang feeling ko talaga ang unfair ng buhay. Akala ko masaya na kami ni Jake. Alam ko naman na walang perpektong bagay sa mundo. Kaya nga lagi ko ngang sinasabi sa kanila na hindi kami perpektong dalawa dahil imposibleng walang problema ang isang relasyon.

 

Mas maganda na san ang sabihin mong walang problema ang isang relasyon. I love Jacob. Sobra sobra. Walang alinlangan o kahit among pagdududa. I know na bata pa kami kung ikukumpara sa mga ibang couples, but compared to them, walang walanaman ang mga pinagdaanan namin.

 

We’ve endured so much together than those mainstream couples out there. Walang ligaw ligaw,bulaklak o kahit chocolates. Ano naman ang panama noon sa pagaalaga niya sa akin? We’ve been kidnapped, detained and everything but not once did he think of himself..

 

He shielded me from anything harmful. Naalala ko noon nung nagkakilala kami nila Kuya Keith, he put me sa likod niya, those were the times that he actually forgot to think of himself, making me priority instead.

 

Minsan hindi ko alam kung inborn na sa kanya yung isipin niya yung iba. Like this time, he held himself off para kay Courtney naman. Maybe he’s just that person na laging inaalala yung mahal niya. Sa kanya ko natutunan yun, yung kahit ako na masaktan, wag lang ang mga taong mahal ko.

 

Ang sakit na isiping comatose si Jacob ngayon, it’s just the third day, but it’s hard for me. I keep thinking na gigising siya kahit anong oras. Na imumulat lang niya yung mata niya maya maya, but it doesn’t happen. It actually kills me.