~~langst~~ (one shots)

we'll do this together

I softly drag my fingers down the side of his face my hands are shaking. He is in his boxers. His legs, arms, torso, hands, feet, hips, neck, even his face, have both light and deep cuts all over them. He has literally covered himself.

It's awful to see. There are multiple razors around him and some are stuck in his body still... Like he went too deep to get them out...

I see a note beside him and grab it and stuff it in my pocket

'when he pulls through I'll read it...'

I hear his dad's footsteps come up behind me.

"If you touch me the ambulance will be here and they'll know you did something to me. They'll ask questions and it will be a lot more hassle then this needs to be" I say stonily still crying.

He takes a step back and starts shouting again. Colorfully. I just clutch Lance to my chest and keep my fingers on his pulse praying and begging to every god in existence that he will pull through.

His father stops screaming when he hears sirens outside the house.

The paramedics come in and find us they get Lance onto a stretcher quickly and ask my dad if he wants to go in the ambulance.

He refuses.

"I'll go with him.  Please let me go!" I say quickly.

They don't argue. Probably because he is almost dead. They need someone there if it happens.

---time skip to when Lance is in surgery---

They said they can't tell if he will make it or not.... I'm so worried

The doctors say he lost so much blood he's practically running on nothing.

I take out the note from the pocket and unfold it slowly.

I start to read.

Dear everyone...
This is the last thing I'm going to do... My last words to you all...
I'm sorry I'm bi, I know it's wrong but it's who I am... I like guys...

I'm sorry I'm annoying
And useless
And worthless
And ugly
And fat
And... Well I could go on forever

You guys are all so amazing and funny and kind and loving
I understand why you didn't want me around
I just brought you all down...

If I could stop liking guys I would just so I could hang out with you again and I tried to. I really did. I punished myself for thinking about guys... But nothing worked.

And to my papa...
I'm sorry about mama and my siblings... It was my fault... I know that now... I'm the reason their dead, I know and I'm sorry papa. I love you even if you liked to hurt me. I know I deserved it so it's ok...

I'm about to bleed out so...
Goodbye everyone 
I love you all
-lance

---time skip to after surgery---

"I'm glad to say he's pulled through at least for now. He's currently asleep but if he stays like this he will definitely recover" the doctor tells me smiling sadly.