Knowing You're There

Chapter 23

As usual, the place was bussing with our fellow classmates.  I listened as they talked about their plans for the break, discussing who was going on vacation and what their parents were getting them for Christmas, which was only two days away. 

When our tray was ready, Kurt held my hand as I walked to the table, terrified that there would be a spill or something that would make it even easier to fall.  I let out a sigh of relief when we made it to the table, then dug into my plate of food. 

“So I guess I was right about you being hungry,” he said. 

“I guess.” I swallowed another bite of my slider.  “I’ve been really stressed with Star.  It’s hard to eat when she’s around.” 

“Well I’d imagine. How’s her appetite?” 

“Awful,” I said.  “All she wants is a few bites of bread and water.” 

He took my hand from across the table.  “Well, you know I’m here if you need me.” 

I nodded and we started talking about our holiday plans.  Kurt and his family were going to be busy in the coffee shop.  I was most likely going to drum and play some video games with Emmit, maybe go to the mall with Sarah and the twins. 

“What do you want to do tomorrow?” he asked. 

“Tomorrow?  I didn’t know you would be willing to do something tomorrow.  Don’t you want to spend time with your family on Hanukkah?” 

He groaned.  “I see them all the time at the shop.  I honestly need to get away from them a bit.  Let’s go do something fun.” 

“Like what?”  I shoved a whole Lasso Ring into my mouth. 

“It’s going to snow a lot.  We should go for a ride or something.” 

“On your parents’ snow mobile?”  I asked. 

“Sure.  It’ll be tons of fun, and I’ll drive safely, I promise.” 

I smiled.  “Well it looks like I’ve got no way out of it, so I guess I’m down.” 

Melissa came to pick us up a few minutes later.  At home, Mom was burning chicken in the oven.  It was her idea of making sure that it was “thoroughly cooked.”  I went upstairs to my room, where I stepped in something wet on the carpet.  I called Mom upstairs, who assessed that it was vomit.  Star vomit.  I cringed while cleaning it up. 

“Man, Star’s really going downhill,” Emmit said behind me. 

"Shut up and leave me alone,” I said, and he walked off. 

I didn’t listen to any of my family’s conversation during dinner.  Star was snoring in the living room.  For some reason I worried that she would suddenly stop altogether. 

“Lia, eat your chicken.  Your mother worked hard in it,” Dad said to me.  I stabbed one of the burnt pieces with my fork and chewed. 

After helping clear the table, I proceeded to the basement.  Star was still in the living room.  I walked on the slab floor with my arms out.  The one good thing about drumming in the basement during December was that all of Mom’s junk was now upstairs on display.  I played through Tune You Out over and over again until I head footsteps coming down the stairs. 

“Lia, what are you doing down here?” Mom asked from the stairwell.  “Aren’t you cold?”    

I felt the goosebumps along my right arm.  “No.” 

She sighed.  “Well anyway, I made gingerbread men, your favorite.” 

“I know.  I could smell them.” I paused.  “And you mean, you bought them from the store and heated them up in the microwave.” 

“Well regardless, they’re upstairs if you want any.” 

“I’ll pass,” I said quickly. 

“Fine, suit yourself.” 

She walked back up the stairs and I kept on playing.  Eventually my fingers were getting numb from the cold, uninsulated basement, so it seemed like a good idea to head upstairs.  There was still a faint smell of gingerbread when I went into the kitchen.  When I checked the table, there was a plate where I usually sat.  I took the cookies and bit off all the heads first, then ripped off the arms and legs. 

After a few minutes of eating the disassembled gingerbread men, I heard a cough in the other room.  Star was slowly lifting herself off of her bed.  Her toes clicked against the tiled floor of the kitchen as she came over to me.  I smiled and hugged her. 

“You’re not feeling too good, are you Star?” I asked her. 

She put her head in my lap and I scratched in between her ears.  That was when it hit me.  The dog was suffering.  Star was sick and not eating.  What kind of owner would put their animal that they are supposed to love and care about through something so awful?  I thought about what Doctor Baker told me about the euthanization.  What else was there to do?

“I’m sorry I’ve been so selfish Star,” I said to her.