Learning How to Bend

NaNo Day 9 - Hey, look, I wrote more!

Thaddeus stood, rolling the chair back under Antonia's desk.

"Thank you. For waking me, I mean," I said. I bit my bottom lip as I often did when worrying about something or concentrating too hard.

"You're welcome."

"Where's my bag?"

"It's on the desk."

I crossed the room to Antonia's desk. Opening the clasp on my small purse, I pulled out my phone and pressed a button so it would tell me aloud how many messages and voicemails I had. Only four, shocking. Two from Kat, two from Joe. I would answer them later, I decided, snapping my phone closed.

"Liliana—"

"Don't say anything." I held up a finger in his direction. "I just...I want to go home."

As if on cue, Thaddeus's phone beeped in his pocket. He answered it quickly. Mike was downstairs and was waiting to take me home.

"I may be out of touch for the rest of the day," I said, moving toward the elevator. "Thank you for dinner."

"You still have my coat."

"Oh." I touched the garment. "Right." I walked back to him, puling the coat from my shoulders. I immediately wanted its warmth back, but I still placed it in Thaddeus's outstretched hand. "Thank you. Again."

He said nothing; I imagined him nodding, but of course I could not be sure whether he did or not.

I did not turn back in his direction. I did not say goodbye. I simply walked to the elevator, waited for it to arrive, then rode it down to the first floor. I moved in a perfunctory fashion until I legitimately slammed into one of the front doors of the building. I did not have my keycard to open the doors; they did not usually open until 8:00AM.

"Fantastic," I muttered, rubbing my forehead. I would probably have a bruise later, if I had to bet. 

The door beeped and swung open. Relieved, I did not hesitate to step through, not even caring who it might be. I just needed to leave. I needed out. I needed to go home.

"Miss Hamill," Mike said hesitantly. I heard him take a gasp as I jumped away from him when he touched my arm. "I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm here to take you home."

"I'm not a 'ma'am,' Mike," I corrected. "Just Lily. Liliana. Miss Hamill. Whichever you want to use, I'll respond to any of them. I'm sorry you had to get up to take me home." Were my eyes watering? No, stop that. I rubbed my fingers under my eyes.

"I was already awake, don't worry." I pictured a smile on his face. "I'm used to waking up around 4:00AM in case Thaddeus wants me to drive him—or someone else—somewhere."

"Someone else?" I frowned.

"I've driven many people. Women and men both. At all hours." He opened the door of the car, and I sat inside the car and quickly buckled the seatbelt. Mike soon lowered into the driver's seat, kicked up the engine, and we were heading home.

As soon as I was behind my own door, I called Chelise's name. The dog trotted to my side from my bedroom, and I immediately lowered to the ground to wrap my arms around her neck and to bury my face in her fur.

I let the tears come.

-------------------------------------------------------

For three days, I screened Thaddeus's phone calls. I answered his emails, but I refused to go to the office for fear of seeing him. I did not want him asking questions, questions which I knew could very well trigger my anxiety and panic attacks I had struggled so hard to get under control. Although I tried to keep our email discussions strictly business, Thaddeus occasionally dropped in a "how are you." I never answered honestly until I drank a little too much of the bottle of wine which I had previously stored unopened in my refrigerator.