Learning How to Bend

NaNo Day 16 - I HIT 50K WORDS.

He did not say anything; he probably did not like what I had to say.

"You're not just any man. You're"—I swallowed, shifting uncomfortably but knowing I probably needed to admit what I was going to say—"you're my man. And I claim possession of you for a few hours because I don't want to share you yet. Is that acceptable to you?"

My voice grew quieter as I continued through that series of sentences. I did not like admitting that I cared because caring made me vulnerable. It meant being honest and about what I felt. It meant putting myself out there. I did not really like any of it because it all scared me. I had been burned too many times before, and the last time it ended up going very, very poorly for all involved. Joe lost a friend. Marcus lost some of his freedom. I lost my sense of security and self-confidence. That relationship shattered me in that I always thought myself to be a rather good judge of people. Marcus proved me so very wrong, and so did the man I almost married before him.

I almost married Mitchell Olston. I almost cringed just thinking about it. I had dated him my first two years of college—my first real boyfriend—and at the end of year two, we had gotten engaged. I was so happy, and I had such high hopes. That someone like Mitch could look past my blindness and love me...it amazed me. I jumped into wedding planning, wearing the engagement ring on my finger for all to see wherever I went.

I returned from class one afternoon to find him sleeping with another woman on the couch. It was his birthday. I wanted to surprise him with a nice dinner and his favorite movie, which was coming back into theaters for a limited time. I had purchased the tickets three months before. When I found him, I walked out and never went back. I gave the tickets away, but I kept the engagement ring. He did not deserve it. Instead, I sold it and put the money into a savings account to start gathering interest. I had not touched it since. I did not want to, not until something truly special occurred in my life. What that looked like, I did not know. But I knew I would know when the time came.

"It's acceptable." His voice sounded resigned to his fate, like he was a great general grudgingly acquiescing to a superior player in a game. I tried very hard to keep a smile from my face, but I could tell I failed when he spread out his fingers and interlocked mine with his for the briefest of seconds before letting them go.

I leaned forward and asked Mike to take us first to his penthouse so he could change into something less uncomfortable, then we'd continue to my apartment. I had no doubt Thaddeus had a nice enough home, but I wanted to be at my own place. I somehow imagined it having far more comfortable furniture than what was at Thaddeus's place. He fazed me more as the type of individual who furnished his place for looks, not for how squishy the couch may be. My couch was old, but it was a good sofa. Well broken in. I had taken many naps on it over the course of its lifetime, and I thought it could take many more before I would have to surrender it to the garbage truck.

When we arrived at his building, I grabbed his arm and held it tightly before he could get out. "Don't you dare go up there and put on slacks and another button-down. Get comfortable. The minute we get back to my apartment, I'm putting on sweatpants and a t-shirt. We're having a lazy day, Mr. Andino, and there's nothing you can do to change that."

"I could if I wanted to."

"Yes, you could," I sighed. "But please don't."

I did not know if he silently responded in any way, for he got out of the car and disappeared. I somewhat impatiently sat with Mike and Chelsie in the car for probably twenty minutes before the door opened again, and Thaddeus lowered into the seat beside me. I immediately put my hand on his thigh to see what he was wearing.