Returning Red

#46: Unending Troubles.

He knew Ryder before they met in front of me. He knew all of them from before. Even Mia was on his side the entire time. 

"There were only two or three people assigned at the beginning. But as years went on, Izz, you were doing unpredictable things. You were making me worry. Every other day you were fighting some issue and I had to put more people. I was an ocean away, that's the only way I could've known." He inched closer but when I pushed myself further away, he stopped moving toward me. 

"You had no right to do that, it was my life." I almost yell at him. "I went away for a reason." 

"I had all the rights to do that, you know it. You left but that didn't mean I had stopped caring about you. And for your very kind knowledge, my arrival to New York was not only because of Vogue or to tell you about the wedding, but also because Ryder had backed out of the contract for three months. When I came there, I understood that you're dating him. It explained his ghosting. And even after knowing that, I didn't stop you or him, even though I wanted to. I wasn't controlling your life, I was keeping an eye on it to protect you." 

I run my hand over my face. The hot water is definitely helping me calm down but the more I think about it, the more I'm getting confused. 

I turn to the lake to take a lungful of air. "So you knew everything all this while?" 

He hums looking away before shaking his head. "I knew parts of whatever was going on in your life. I kept Saturday nights to assemble all the weeklong leads and put those pieces together to form a puzzle that made sense. But your pattern kept changing every week. I never had the complete idea of what you were up to." 

"Sorry, Austin," I mutter in mockery. "If I'd known you were keeping tabs on me, I would have done a better job at leaving clues." 

He rolls his eyes but I don't give a damn. "Your slate was clear until your twenty-second birthday. After that, nothing made sense. Ryder told me about that night and the next day, I'd done whatever I could. Bryant escaped to Cadford, giving his excuse as duty calls. I was notified about your entry into the Fight Firm. Then you put me off guard when I realized your lawyer was tracking down the same Bryant. I made him easier to catch." 

"Thank you," I nod and he sighs at my sarcasm again. No, this was not done. He couldn't get away with this. 

"You were trying to catch Edgar West and when I understood he was running away from you, I stepped in to block his steps. He didn't see through me. He fell for my trap. I was never going to buy Steinem, Izz, I didn't have to. I was getting him to you. I had no clue about the pills. I had no clue about your panic attacks. Mia conveniently left it out saying she had promised you she won't rat you out to anyone else." Austin inched closer to me but my back had already touched the other end of the tub. 

"Must have been a shock when you found out," I laughed to myself. 

"It was, believe me. When Lily let that out in that call, I knew that was what kept you from letting go. I tried everything from my end to make you let it go, but I guess I wasn't that successful. I had to get the bin. And the bin knew nothing about my quiet activities. So I had to pretend like I didn't know anything about you." He touched my arm and I winced. 

"Don't touch me, Austin," I say in a whisper but he whines, inching closer and grasping my other arm too. "Austin," I complain again when he wraps his arms around me. 

"I know I shouldn't have done that. You went away from me and I couldn't accept that. I was scared, Izz. You were in a completely new city, with new people, and a different life. I was scared that someone was going to hurt you. I just wanted to keep you safe and help you out, I promise. None of them followed you anywhere. They merely just reported your conversation with them and how you seemed and if there was something that bothered you. There were no other intentions, think about it, please." He muttered against my neck.