Only One I Call Home

Chapter 20 - "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking..."

“Don’t tell him I told you. He doesn’t need another reason to hate me.” Rob sighed.

I shook my head. “He doesn’t hate you, he’s so ashamed of the way he treated you.”

Rob grabbed my hand. “Look, could you please just talk to him. Try and work things out. He needs you to protect him and you need him just as much. The reason you don’t know who you are is because you’re missing the only person who has ever given you everything they’ve got. Sure, Tully and I are good friends. But that boy, he would give up anything for you.”

I nodded once. “I’ll work things out.”

He smiled and turned his head to the front door as Amelia and Tully bounced in carrying noodle boxes and a bottle of champagne. They were both laughing about some story that Amelia was telling; I just turned to Rob and watched him watch her. The look on his face was priceless. He looked at Amelia as though she was the only thing in the world he could ever care about.

“You two didn’t even set the table, you slackers.” Amelia rolled her eyes and climbed up onto the counter, she was far too short to reach the very top cupboard. I guess that was a good thing, no wonder he hid it up there. “We’re going to eat our disgusting take away on the fine china tonight.”

Then she opened the cupboard that Rob had hidden the beautiful ring inside. He gasped and jumped up, grabbing her around the waist and whirling her down effortlessly but in her hand was the little blue box and on her face was the most excited smile I’d ever seen in my life.

“What is this Robert?” She wondered curiously.

He sighed heavily and met my eyes briefly before grabbed the box from her, setting her on the ground and bending down on one knee. “My dear, sweet Amelia. Would you do the honour of being my wifey for the rest of my lifey?”

I actually snorted.

Rob shot me a look but then smiled kindly. “You and me babe, how about it?”

She laughed, tears in her eyes as she nodded. “Of course you big idiot.”

Then she clasped her hands around his face and kissed his lips with such love that I was almost jealous. I stood by Tully’s side and bit my lip.

“Maybe we’ll go and check into a hotel tonight.” Tully laughed.

I rolled my eyes and walked over, kissing them each on the cheek. “You know what, I think we’ll take off. But if I don’t get an invite to this wedding, I will personally mess you up. Okay, Robert?”

He laughed and squeezed me tight. “I’ll see you soon, kid.”

“You too.” I smiled.

The rest of us said our goodbyes and then Tully and I gathered our things and packed them into my old and beat up car. It had only been a one-night stay but that was all I had needed. Once again, Rob had helped me to find the answers I’d been looking for. I knew exactly what I had to do now. Tully and I got into the car and we drove as far and fast as we could. I wanted to get home tonight. I wanted to see him tonight.

*

“It’s three am, Mads. Are you really going to go and visit him right now?” Tully cried.

I nodded once. “I have to do this. I know you don’t completely understand, but I have to.”

She sighed heavily and got out of the car. “Fine. But call me and let me know if you’re coming home. Don’t do anything stupid.”

I grinned. “I might not come home. I’m planning on sleeping in my dear Trey’s arms tonight.”

She screwed up her face. “Fine. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

The second she was out of my way I set off on my journey to Trey’s house. I didn’t knock on the door, I called his phone and he didn’t answer. He just opened his window and looked down at me with a sad look on his face.

“What do you want?” He frowned.

“I need to talk to you. Please come down?” I called back up.

He sighed heavily. “Give me a minute.”

He shut his window again and I waited, leaning against my car. When he came out the front door he was wearing a baggy hoody and a pair of tracksuit pants. His bed hair was adorable and his hands were stuffed deep into his pockets.

“I’m sorry if I woke you.” I whispered.

He shook his head. “Don’t worry, I wasn’t sleeping.”

“You look as if you haven’t slept in days.” I told him.

He shrugged. “I haven’t really.”

I sucked in my breath.

“How is Rob?” He asked me as though he was attempting small talk.

I smiled small. “He’s really good, engaged actually. As of this afternoon.”

He nodded slowly. “Oh right, good for him.”

“Yeah.” I sighed.

“So what exactly are you doing here?” He asked.

I looked away for a moment and then realised that it would be better to look into his eyes. “I’m so sorry. I truly am. The truth is, I appreciate you more than you’ll ever know. I love you, Trey.”

“I’m not going to forgive you.” He whispered. “I can’t.”

“But you have to forgive me.” I whispered.

He frowned. “Why? Once you told me I don’t have to do anything that I don’t want to do. So why do I have to do this?”

I shut my eyes and sighed. “Picture this. In ten years I bump into you on the street. I say hi and you say it back. I ask how your life is and you tell me about your wife and your kids. And when you do, it will break my heart. Not because I don’t want you to be happy. Because believe me, that’s all I want. But because ten years ago, I pictured somebody else asking you that same question. And you would tell them about me.”

He watched me closely, blinking in silence.

“Please Trey.” I whispered. I couldn’t even trust my voice anymore. “I know I screwed up but I’m so, so sorry. I won’t ever do it again.”

He nodded once. “You’re right, you won’t; because I’m not going to give you the chance. Goodbye Laurel, I’m sorry I ever came here.”

Then he left me. He just turned and walked away as if everything we’d been through together had meant absolutely nothing to him. I closed my eyes and ran both hands through my hair, pulling at it. I was crying. I hated that I was crying. I didn’t want to move, I couldn’t move. I just stood there, like an idiot.

And that’s what happens when you love someone, you love them with your whole heart and when they break it it’s no wonder why you feel like you can’t live on.