Supposed To Be Me (Shadow x Reader)

Chapter 8 Utopia

"NO! Wait. Don't... let go...," you told him. When you felt his embrace loosen, you felt something very familiar... Loneliness. Like on the Ark. Lack of friends... Lack of physical contact... Lack of life. Shadow was probably the first after Maria to connect with you... You used to think he was mean and only cared about Maria..., but he was protecting you from those who wanted to hurt you. And now... he was finally showing you who he really was. Faster than you intended, you grabbed his hand to prevent him from backing away from you. "I... I... I don't want you to stop... I think... it'll make me feel better, too... Especially... after all of those years in such isolation on the Ark..."

You couldn't see Shadow's expression, but you felt his arm tighten around you again. When his voice returned, it was low and filled with remorse. "Had I known who you really were, I would have seen you... And made sure you didn't feel so alone... I can't begin to imagine what living alone on the Ark was like for you... It was hard enough for Maria and me to live in that place. We had each other, though." Shadow paused a moment and you could feel the side of his face brush against yours. "I'm sorry..."

Hearing Shadow say that brought both joy and sorrow to your heart. Sorrow from the memories and happiness from how much he valued you. Whether if he was acting or not, you were certain of one thing: you didn't want him to let go... Still afraid of what he'd do if you remained silent with him for too long, you kept talking. "Was this how you often comforted Maria...?"

Shadow curtly nodded. "Yes... Maria... often needed lots of emotional support. She knew she was going to die one day soon... And knowing something as cruel as that... would terrify her. She would cry in her room and in the lab... So, I would comfort her... much like this."

"I see..."

"But this is different... Because unlike your sister, you have a chance to live the way you want to. And unlike myself from back then..., I'm not only comforting you to make you feel better." He felt you tense up... Still scared.

You could feel your heart pulsing faster and harder than ever before. You could feel your face burning red... It was happening again... "I'm... sorry. It's just that I'm not... used to... this, you know?"

"Do you want to be used to it?"

You thought a moment about his offer. The answer was obvious. "...Yes."

"Then I only have one piece of advice. Trust in me."

With those final words, he held himself back no more. In barely less than a moment, his lips were to yours once again. You could feel your heart skip! Then it slowed as you eased into his kiss. All of your tension and fear flew away in the strong, heartfelt moment. His embrace became tighter and he let his free hand do seemingly whatever it pleased. For a moment he stroked you hair steadily and in a rhythm. Then he ran his hand lightly down your neck... just barely allowing his fingers to touch. You couldn't ignore the overwhelming sensation of pleasure you got with each and every second and from his each and every movement. A cool breeze flew by, but you were completely drawn into Shadow's warmth... Without thinking, you brought your hands to his chest. Immediately, silky softness caressed your fingers... You brushed your fingers across Shadow's chestfur and you could hear him let out a small sigh. You knew... he was feeling the same thing you were.

Shadow... He cares about me... He wasn't pretending just because of his promise to me... His emotions are just as real as mine! Shadow is here... confessing to me... Confessing that he cares about me... just as much as Maria. Shadow... he loves me...

Shadow... loves me?

No. Shadow loved Maria. Right? He couldn't just abandon her for you. That wouldn't make any sense! Shadow would always remain loyal to Maria... No matter what. This was just temporary. As soon as Maria is revived by the chaos emeralds, Shadow will forget all about you. That was it. Those thoughts brought you from being in an elated trance to drowning in miserable realization. Shadow seemed to notice the sudden shift in atmosphere.

He ended his kiss, but he didn't pull away. There was a slightly confused look on his face. You also noted that he was still blushing from before. It was faint, but certainly real. "What's the matter?"

You didn't feel like telling him..., but then again, if you told him, then you'd know the truth for certain. Instead of asking him outright, you started asking questions to lead up to it. "Shadow..., do you... love me...?"

Shadow took your hand and held it close to his chest. He nodded his head without any uncertainty. "Yes."

You felt your face heat up and your heart fluttered. However, you had to know for sure if he would leave you for Maria one day. "But..., you love Maria..., right?"

He figured out instantly why you looked so upset. Unlike for your last question, he hesitated. "We both know that I do love Maria..., but it's not quite like this. I'd give my life for you and Maria in a heartbeat. However, I grew up with Maria. We're more like siblings. I know you're Maria's twin, but I've always felt different about you."

"Even on the Ark...?"

"I didn't understand you at the time, but I did know you were different from Maria. If I had known more about you, then our relationship would have been very different than what it was...," he explained. You felt his hand slowly release yours.

Even though you heard him say it to you, you still couldn't quite convince yourself that it was true. You couldn't believe that Shadow would ever give up Maria for you. Despite your doubts, you didn't speak another word.

"You don't need to worry...," you heard him murmur. The softness of his voice soothed your conflicted mind. Shadow looked you straight in the eyes with an intense expression. "I'll never leave you, (y/n). Never."