I bleed when I fall down

'Hoping you're someone I used to know'

'I'm going to put breakfast on.' Dianne tells everyone, watching as Joe mucks about with the kids.

'I'll join you.' Zoe volunteers, not giving Dianne the choice. The pair busy themselves with sorting everything out. 'How is Amelia?' Zoe asks, after a few moments of silence.

'She's okay.' Dianne states, not sure what Zoe knows. 'We are getting there, she has some more tests in January.' Zoe nods.

'I can't even imagine what you are going through.' She says, looking at the smaller woman, she's still stunning but Zoe is now beginning to see her age. The stress of the last few months has clearly taken its toll on her.

'Nor could I, until it happened.' She bites her lip, almost making it bleed. 'You don't expect your child to be the one who is ill, it's always someone else's. Except this time, it isn't. It's my child that is the one with the problem, she's the one who can't do all these things now because it is too dangerous. She can't do gymnastics or dance, or many of the other things she loves because it's too dangerous.' Dianne says, a hint of bitterness coming though. 'You don't expect it to be your child.'

'She will be okay.' Everybody is saying the same thing to Dianne, except it won't be okay. There will always be this thing hanging over her. If she does have epilepsy, she's going to be on medication for the rest of her life. She won't be able to drink, or drive. Obviously, two separate things. She would like to think that none of her children would do that. There will be movies she can't watch, trips she can't go on with her friends. There will always be something she can't do, Joe and Dianne can only give her so many opportunities, there will always be that one thing though. She won't be able to go to nightclubs, there will be so much hanging over her head, all these things limiting her life without it really even starting.

Dianne is very careful on how she refers to the medication, she chooses the word anti-seizure medication. Her daughter is on anti-seizure medication, rather than anti-epilepsy medication. In her mind, if she calls it her epilepsy medication it is her admitting defeat, she is bowing down to the fact that her daughter is ill, and she doesn't know if she is ready to accept that. She needs to be told by her doctor, after the tests, that she has epilepsy. It isn't that she didn't believe the a and e doctor, it's that she didn't want to believe it. These are two separate things, that no one else can understand.

'How are you and Joe?' This question takes Dianne by surprise. She shouldn't be a surprise, but she finds herself being surprised.

'We are getting there.' She says, after a period of silence, bringing out the pain au chocolate's out of the oven and putting it on a plate. 'It's a struggle.' She confesses, 'But I think we are okay.' In truth, she isn't sure about her and Joe. The pair are dealing with this in very different ways, she doesn't know how they are going to end. Some days, she can almost see them getting divorced. She knows she doesn't want too, it's almost like a grief. She feels like she is grieving for the life that her daughter may not have. It is almost like she's too caught up in this fog to care about anything else, even though she may want too. She feels unbelievably guilty, if she is feeling like this, how is her nine-year-old coping? She grabs the plates, motioning for Zoe to-do the same thing, before they call everyone to grab what they want for breakfast.

By 10AM the house is filled with Christmas music, and everyone playing with the toys that "Santa" brought them, Dianne filming Joe and Graham playing with them, it's very entertaining. Once upon a time, Dianne would be joining in with them. She would play their stupid little games, but for some reason, she just can't. Instead she sits on the sofa, flicking between watching Elf on the TV and watching everyone else on the floor. She wonders where they will be next year, what will everyone be doing? This time last year, no one could have predicted the last year. It wasn't even just Amelia's fit, lots had happened. Dianne was hospitalised in the February, after contracting pneumonia. In the June, Zoe had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. Not many people knew, including Belle and Kian. That had taken its toll on Zoe and Alfie. All of them couldn't wait to see the back of 2030, they were having a huge party at Zoe's, just like every year. This time, though, there won't be any fireworks, to Dianne, it seems fitting. It's just like the Christmas lights around the house, having to be very careful as to what they can have on and what they can't, a constant reminder of the situation.

Christmas dinner went smoothly, none of the food was burnt and nothing was broken. That's how they decided if it was a good Christmas dinner or not. They then watched the queen's speech, three years ago, Alfie and Joe had pranked the kids. They told them that it was the law that, everyone under the age of eighteen had to stand up and be silent for the whole fifteen minutes. Three years later, they still didn't know that this wasn't actually the case, but it was funny watching them stand there, obviously bored out of their minds.

The day ends with them playing monopoly, a highly competitive game that ends in the girls walking off. The kids had teamed up, and the girls had lost. It caused a huge fuss, which ended in them sulking in Amelia's bedroom. The adults found it hilarious, and just laughed. Christmas wasn't bad at all.

A/N Thought's? Also, everyone who watched CasualtyXHolby what did you think??? I think it made me love Jac even more! Also, have you seen the Holby spring trailer??? Ngl watched it and was like meh, and then the last few seconds happened and I swear I've never gasped so loud.....