Sometimes Sweetly, Sometimes Achingly

Chapter 6

“But why did you say no?” Taeyong couldn’t help asking. “And why wouldn’t you tell me and Jeno about this?”

When Donghae removed his hands, his smile was sad. “I said no because you and Jeno were still in school. You were only seventeen, Taeyongie, and Jeno was still in middle school. I wasn’t ready to get married because I wanted you two to be on your own feet, first. It felt selfish to get married when my whole life after mom and dad died,” he choked up slightly, tears forming in the corners of his eyes, “was for you and Jeno. Hyuk understood, so we just went on pretending nothing had happened.”

“I thought I wouldn’t be ready to talk about marriage again until Jeno graduated, but when he and Jaemin moved in together it made me realize how grown up he is. And you’ve been doing well for years, so I decided to let myself be selfish. I think Hyukjae could also tell I was ready, so he proposed again when we went to see the sunrise last year.”

“And before you say anything,” Donghae held up a finger to silence his brother. “I know what you’re thinking. You probably feel guilty because you think you’ve been holding me back all these years, right, Taeyongie?”

Taeyong lowered his head in shame.

“But you didn’t hold me back. I don’t think I could have carried on the way I did after the accident if I didn’t have you two. All those days I spent working two jobs and rushing around were worth it, because now I get to see you and Jeno live such great lives. So please don’t feel like you owe me anything”

“And,” Donghae smiled gently. “I have to thank you, anyway. Because if it weren’t for you, I never would’ve met Hyukjae. And, no offense to you and Jeno, but he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Everything felt too overwhelming. Hearing Donghae’s story and the feelings he’d hidden for twenty years, and just the way he spoke about Hyukjae with the love so tangible in his voice—Taeyong felt like he’d been hit by a truck. The fact that someone could go through so much suffering and still come out with a happy mindset and someone he loved…wow.

“Anyway,” Donghae sat up straighter. “What made you so curious? Does this have anything to do with Johnny and Ten?”

Caught red-handed. Taeyong grinned ruefully, resisting the urge to abuse his nails any more than he already had. “I don’t know. At first I was just super happy for Tennie and I still am, but it’s different. I feel like everybody’s moving so fast—basically everyone I know is either getting married or dating—and I know I said I’m over what happened a couple weeks ago, but it hurts to think of it.”

“I think I get where you’re coming from,” Donghae hummed. “You’ve always been a little shy, and I know you haven’t had the best of luck with boys. I still remember when Yuta transferred to your middle school and you immediately had this big crush on him.”

Taeyong groaned at the memory. “I can’t believe I used to like Yuta of all people. But he was just a middle school crush, and all those other people I liked—Doyoung, Hansol-hyung, even Johnny at one point—were just crushes. But now…” He trailed off when he realized there was no easy way to express himself. “Now there’s someone I like a lot. It’s probably too early to say this, but he’s someone I think I could love or already do love. I don’t know, I’m not good at these things.”

Donghae reached over to hold Taeyong’s hand. “Jaehyun?”

It suddenly struck Taeyong that Donghae probably knew about the Jung family, too. He had to, because he’d been close friends with Yunho since elementary school. If anyone else knew, it had to be Donghae.

And, judging by the understanding smile on his face, Donghae did know.

“Even though I’ve known him since he was really young, I haven’t talked to him a lot. I don’t think he particularly likes talking to people other than his siblings in general, so I have no clue what he feels for you. But all I know is that you seem happy being around him.”