strings // newtmas au

bad guy

   Newt flinched at that. "O-okay. I can't do that to Minho and Teresa, I can't get our whole career thrown out because of this stupid fucking video."

    "It wasn't a stupid video," Thomas said softly. "It was our first kiss, it meant something to me."

     "You think it didn't mean anything to me?" Newt shook his head. "I don't know how else I can make you see how much I care about you."

   "You could tell people we're dating."

   Newt sighed.

   Thomas willed himself to stay calm. "I thought about it Newt. I'm done being your dirty secret behind closed doors, if you don't want to tell them, then that's it."

    Newt's expression fell at that. "That means what I think it does?"

   Thomas nodded, his eyes stung with tears. "Yeah."

   "Can you at least tell me you know that I love you. Please?" Newt's voice cracked on the last word.

   Thomas wanted to scream. He felt like he was in the middle of a bad dream and no matter how hard he pinched himself, he wasn't going to wake up.

    "I love you," Thomas said. "I do Newt, but not like this. I loved us before we had to hide. I loved the stupid dates and the late nights. I loved seeing you with your cats, I loved driving with you. I loved being with you." Thomas wiped his eyes. "I can't be with you like this. I'm not happy hiding."

   Newt opened his mouth to say something before he stopped and let out a long breath. "Okay."

    "Really? That's all you have to say."

   "What else do you want Thomas?" Newt looked at him then, their tear filled eyes meeting each others. "I'm not going to force you into this any longer."

   Thomas blinked, feeling the build up in his eyes go down his cheeks. "Okay. That's it then."

   "I guess go," Newt said as he clasped his hands together again. He let out a half hearted laugh. "Well this fuckin sucks."

   Thomas didn't know how to respond so he just bit his lip, trying to will himself to stop crying.

   "I'll get you a plane ticket," Newt said as he stood up. "Try to get you out as early as possible. Janson will cover it." Newt pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket.

    Before Thomas could think he was standing up and facing him. "Newt, don't."

   Newt scoffed as he pulled out a stick and grabbed his lighter. "Fuck off Thomas, you're not my boyfriend anymore."

   Thomas felt his stomach drop as he watched Newt walk off the tour bus. He could see him out the window, he could see him lighting the stick, holding it up to his lips and the tip turning red as he sucked in. He watched him blow the smoke from his lips before wiping his eyes hard.

    "Everything okay?" Teresa asked softly as she emerged from the back of the bus. "It got quiet out here, I assumed you were either making out or it wasn't good."

   "We broke up," Thomas said, his voice coming out soft and cracked.

   Teresa's expression softened. "You did?"

   "I dumped him," Thomas said again. The words felt like poison on his tongue.

    Teresa looked like she was holding back words, probably for the better.

   "Don't worry," Thomas said harshly as he crossed his arms. "I won't be here much longer."

    Teresa let out a breath. "You're not gonna like-?"

    Thomas felt like she just slapped him in the face. "Tell? Are you fucking kidding me Teresa?! You're worried about me telling when I just broke up with the boy I'm head over heels in love with because he won't just grow a fucking pair of balls and love me back?!"

    "That's not what I meant," Teresa said, her expression growing cold.

    "You're all insane," Thomas spat as he clenched his fists.

    "All I did was help!" Teresa was looking at him with pure shock. "You're gonna yell at me for helping?!"

     Thomas was crying again. He was upset and angry and he probably shouldn't have been having this conversation right now. "I shouldn't have even came here."

    Teresa pulled her mouth into a tight frown. "You know what, maybe you shouldn't have."

    Janson drove him to the airport the next morning. Thomas didn't say goodbye to any of them, he just packed his bag and left. He could tell how happy the man was to see him leave. He looked almost cheerful as he drove the black car to drop Thomas off at the airport. Thomas just stared out the window the whole ride, not saying a word.

    "I'm sorry it didn't work out," Janson said suddenly.

   Thomas scoffed. "Shut up."

   "You're going to keep quiet about this though right?"

    Thomas rolled his eyes. "Yes, don't worry I won't ruin your fucked up plans."

   Janson nodded, seemingly satisfied as he pulled into the airport parking lot. "Here you are."

     "Thanks," Thomas muttered as he opened the car door.

    "Thomas?" Janson said as he was getting out.

    "Yeah."

   The man smiled. "Have a safe flight."

    Thomas held his middle finger out at him as he got his bags and started towards the airport. Going through security felt like a blur, his eyes still stung and he knew that he looked like shit. He put his headphones in when he was waiting at his gate. He turned the volume all the way up, staring blankly at the floor.

     He texted Rosie that morning, telling her that he was coming home. There was a string of sixteen texts from her that he hadn't bothered to read yet and probably about five missed calls. He clutched his plane ticket in his hand, trying to focus on something other than the situation he was dealing with.

     He hadn't heard from Teresa or Minho, he knew they were kinda pissed at him but at the same time he was still pissed at Newt.

    Thomas let out a sigh as he ran his hands over his face. How did it all get fucked up so fast? The happiest moment in his life quickly turned out to be the thing that ruined them. Thomas looked up as they called his flight, he walked zombie-like onto the plane. On the plane he leaned his head against the window, he tried not to cry in front of the random strangers but when Wonderwall came onto his playlist, he started crying into the sleeve of his shirt. He was forever grateful that the lady next to him didn't say anything, but he totally noticed when she slipped him her bag of peanuts.

    Thomas changed his lockscreen with a heavy heart, it was a picture of Newt sleeping on his shoulder. He couldn't stand to look at it. He knew he did it for the right reasons, he knew what he did was right, but as he looked out the plane window he couldn't help feel like he made a mistake.