Always and Forever (Hosie)

Chapter 4: What if...

I let out a small laugh and walk over to the bathroom.

I park my car in front of the café that I agreed to meet my mom for lunch. This is the first time I've been here but my mom insisted they served the best club sandwiches so I figured I'd give it a chance.

The only memories I have of New Orleans are from when Hope brought me here to meet her family and when my mom brought Lizzie and I in a desperate search for Hope's dad when we were younger.

So far, I've made this place my home and I look forward to all the great new memories we're going to make.

"Josie!"

I see my mom waving me over from the far table she's sitting at.

"Hi, honey," My mom pulls me into a tight embrace as she greets me.

"Hi, mom,"

"So, tell me everything. We didn't really get a chance to talk much when I was over. Catch me up on what's been new."

Enthusiasm overflows through my mom which isn't anything new. She's always been excited about everything in life and that's what I love most about her.

"Well," I start, pulling out my chair and sitting down.

"There's a lot to catch you up on." I raise my eyebrows at the thought of the list I'm about to go through.

I see the enthusiasm disappear and a frown appear on my mom's face.

"Is everything okay?" My mom reaches for my hand over the table.

"Yeah, it's just a lot is all." I shake my head.

"Okay, I'm listening."

My mom looks at me attentively.

I start by explaining how the move has been a bit stressful but still good and my concerns about Hope being on the field and constantly putting herself in danger. I then finally get to the events of just a few days ago.

"So," I hesitate.

"You remember how Penelope was over a few days ago with all of you guys?"

My mom simply nods in response.

"Well, when I walked her out to her car she kind of kissed me."

My mom's eyebrows shoot up.

"Kind of kissed you?"

"Okay, she really just planted one on me." I let out an exasperated breath.

"How did that happen?" There's no judgment in my mom's voice but only concern.

I slump into my seat preparing myself.

"She told me that she couldn't see me again because she still had feelings for me and then she kissed me." I try to explain as quickly as possible.

"Oh wow, if I'm being honest honey, I'm not really surprised."

"What?" I shoot up in my seat.

"I mean think about it Josie, you guys broke up but not because you guys stopped loving each other but because Penelope was scared for you and sometimes those are the worse kind of breakups. And then you went to Belgium spending a whole year with her and she just watched you nurse a broken heart not from her but from someone else. She probably was feeling a lot of things then but chose to ignore it and just when she thought you were getting over Hope you two got back together. Don't get me wrong baby, I think you and Hope are perfect for each other and I'm happy for you guys but none of this must have been easy for Penelope."

I surprisingly understand what my mom is saying. She's not wrong. I didn't particularly lead Penelope on but I definitely didn't make it easy for her to move on.

"So, is this my fault?" I crinkle my brows in confusion.

"No, of course not. But is there any reason she could potentially believe she could have you?" My mom tries to ask without making assumptions.

I know what she's trying to imply. It's the same this Hope was trying to ask when she asked me if I still loved Penelope and I don't know how to answer that.

"That's the thing, mom. I don't know." I answer shamefully.

"I know I love Hope and I know I want a future with her and maybe this makes me a terrible person but a part of me wonders what if I didn't get back together with Hope. What if Penelope and I found a way to work things out and we were together now. She and I never got closure and now I'm not sure how I feel."

For the first time ever, I put my feelings into words. A part of me feels guilty for having these thoughts but I know I'm more relieved to finally get it out in the open even if it's just with my mom.

"It doesn't make you a terrible person Josie." My mom's features become soft as she gives me an understanding look.

"I know how you feel about the what ifs. I'm not sure this is the best story to be telling you now but I think it might help."

I'm confused by where this conversation is going but I wait for my mom to continue.

"So, back when I was still in high school, long before I had you and your sister I met Klaus Mikaelson, Hope's dad."

I'm starting to get a sense of the story but never having heard the full story I still listen attentively.

"He wasn't that great of a person back then but something about him always attracted me to him. We had a "thing" you could say but he left not too long after to be in New Orleans. It was one of those things where there were feelings from both sides but we knew nothing could ever happen because we just weren't in the same place in life. He had a child on the way and I was just a high school girl who had her whole life ahead of her in Mystic Falls."

My mom must have noticed the once again confused and impatient look on my face because she shifts in her seat.

"My point is, he and I never really got closure. Right before he died we talked about the what ifs and that was the end of it. If I'm being honest, to this day I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I left with him. But if I did I wouldn't have had you girls or started the school and that's something I don't regret. We're always going to wonder what life would have been like if we chose a different path but there's nothing we can do about it. I wish I could give you a better answer than that but that's life. You choose what you choose and you just have to be confident it was the right choice."

Am I confident in the path I chose?

AN: Hehe...angst...hehe. Yeah, I can see all those all caps comments already. But what can I say *shrugs shoulder*. I love my unofficial job lol.

- B