Once Upon a University Campus

Yellow Yellow Boring Fellow

"I forsook Ridhima formally, but never forsook her from the heart of my heart. I could never forgive her for what she did to me, I never really recovered from the hurt. Now look at me, I am addicted to that hurt, that pain, as if I don't exist without the memory of the pain. The hole that Riddhima left was filled by this strange memory...... Her physical absence amounted to nothing, because she was always with me, in the form of a wounded heart. I set out to punish her for betraying me, but what did I do? I sank deeper and deeper into a self created hell, a cozy, ever burning hell without which I did not exist any more."

He lifted his head off Annika's shoulder and wiped his tears. Still he clutched Annika's hand and turned towards her. "And you know what that has lead to?" Annika did not respond, nor did Om wait for her response. "It has lead to a situation where I am oblivious to my loved ones. I do not know what my mother is going through. For that matter I do not know what my brothers are going through." He looked towards Shivaay. "Right Shivaay? When was the last time you ever told me about your problem?You have never revealed any of your problems or difficulties to me in these few years. Not that you do not have any, just that you want to shield me from anything that is even slightly adverse. You knew about Mr Oberoi's affair did you not? And you choose not to tell me. "

Shivaay cast his eyes downwards, knowing that Om had metamorphosed into a different person all in a matter of these few hours.

"See. Now I see things clearly. The minute I burned the remnants of my torrid love, the pointillistic portrait of Riddhima that I still secretly looked at every time I was here, the letters she had written during good times, her handmade cards that I had carefully saved over these years, the minute they all went up in smoke, the field of my vision cleared. The blindfold from the pain disappeared. Now I see, I was so addicted to pain that I kept inflicting more of it on myself, unable to see how painful it was to my loved ones. My mother today is unwilling to walk out of her tragic marriage because she thinks I am unable to handle it. Being an adult I am unable to take care of myself, let alone taking care of my mother."

"Shivaay, why am I not like you?" He turned to Annika, "Annika, why am I not like you? Look at you. Life has not treated you fairly by any measure, but you are not wallowing in misery like me, you stood up and fought your way through. You take care of yourself and your brother. God forbid, if you were to be in my position and your mother was ever in my mother's position, you would have been her pillar of support, not an impediment like me. I disdain myself, I disdain my pusillanimity, I disdain my addiction to pain and self pity." copious tears made its way. He jerked his hand away from Annika's hand and wiped his tears. "No more now, none of this shit. I want to become strong like you Annika, like you Shivaay. I want to be there for my mother, to help her see the light at the end of this dark tunnel. I want her to find her happiness. I want to learn to let the past go. I want to start everything afresh. I.. I want to become the son my mother deserves." He got on his foot and hugged his brother.

"Help me Shivaay, help me." Shivaay ran his hands over Om's back in an attempt to comfort him. "You should have slapped me into senses long back. That is ok. That is in the past. I am glad at least now you have some faith in me, enough to let me see the reality. I cannot thank you enough." Om was still hugging Shivaay.

Annika saw Shivaay's eyes lit by the light from the ajar louver searching for her in the darkness, filled with gratitude. Both Annika and Shivaay knew that it was only Annika's prodding that Shivaay dared to put Om on the frontline. Now Om was safe in his protective hug, but Shivaay now knew, Om was ready to fly on his own. His hands were still running across Om's back, comforting him like a baby. Om was right, Shivaay was the only father he knew.

Shivaay spoke softly half choking, "My brother, finally I can say, you are a fighter. I am so proud of you. Just remember I am always there for you."