all mine | pjm

f o r t y - t h r e e

"I won't ever keep anything from you again." you cry, standing up tp hug her, scared of losing her.

"You're all I have, how could you be so careless." she says, embracing you like the forgiving mother she is.

- - - - -

"Call me when you get home, or I swear to God I will call the police to check in on you." your mother says, her eyes very focused on yours, her hands firm on your arms.

"I promise." you answer.

"What else?" she asks.

"I will not talk to anyone, I will drive straight home with not stops, I will not open the door to anyone, I will go to school only by public transport and I will keep all doors and windows locked always, even in daylight." you repeat to the rules she brainwashed you with.

"Y/N, it is taking so much out of me to not drag you to Daegu with me, but you have school, and you cannot lose credit before graduating, so you better shape up, I hope you're still not as stupid as you were with this Jimin man before." she says and you nod.

"Mama, you're going to miss the train." you remind her.

"Fine, fine. Remember the train to Busan arrives here in an hour. Sit at a café and stay put there." she says and leaves a kiss on your forehead, pulling you in for a suffocating hug.

"Love you too." you giggle.

"Okay, be very, very safe. See you in a week." she quickly mutters and runs into her train, looking back one more time before she disappears.

You sigh when her train door closes, not of relief, but of fatigue. You're so mentally, physically and emotionally drained, and you want to lock yourself away from the world for months, you want to be alone.

You want to bathe in warm water and get rid of all the grime and dirt stuck so deep in your pores; you want the water to wash away Jin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Namjoon, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook, and the months and months of seconds, minutes and hours you spent with them.

You want to open the drain and watch all the water disappear as all memory of them drains with it.

You want to go back to normal, graduate, buy a sweater for your dream college, go apartment hunting, have fun with Eden before the semester starts, have a summer touring around the globe, anything, anything other than being near the world they sucked you into.

Be a normal teenage girl like you were before them, when you're biggest worry was what you were going to write for your English Literature essay on a book of your choice about how the author creates a strong sense of experience and what that means to you.

You miss it, you want it back again.

You haven't seen the seven of them since that night with Jimin, you barely left the hotel room, but you expected them there when you went to check out.

You were happier than you expected to be that they were not there, and even of your house is not safe anymore,

You do not care.

You will call the police, they are nothing you have to worry about.

You find a small Costa and order a latte, sitting at a small table and looking at all the kind of people passing by;

Some rushing to their trains, lovers or families, others on their phones, reading books, listening to music.

You wish so much you were one of those people, wherever their lives are taking them, you want it.

You want to be listening to music as you wait for your train home, or calling your mother and telling her about the amazing solo trip you had in Seoul, or reading your favorite book while drinking a coffee, no other worries in this exact moment.