The Void of a Future King (mxm)

14. Confession and Therapy Session

It was all weighing down on my shoulders. I used to just be myself around him but I can't anymore, I have to control myself. I already knew I would start to treat him like everybody else; my father, mother, Arabella... I would be a version of myself that was restrained. I don't want to. I don't want to stop letting go when I'm around him but when I do I do bad things.

"Is your relationship with this man strictly physical?"the priest asked me.

"His name was Colin. Anything else you want to know? Maybe his astrology sign?''I tried further to annoy the therapist- priest, whatever he is. He was already beginning to get on my nerves with his smooth, nurturing voice and sorrowful, examining eyes.

"You're the one who chose to come here, Prince Sam, so I suggest you comply."

His voice was stern.

I began to open my mouth to speak but realized that I was about to lie. I wanted to confidently tell him yes. But I cannot. It seems to be the only thing on my mind lately, which is selfish. I should be worrying about my family and the crown and Asher, but all I could think about is whether the relationship Sam and I have is just physical.

When I first met him it wasn't like that. He was the most genuine person I had ever encountered. He was everything I so desperately desired without even trying. It was such a bright light and alluring connection on a different level than I had with anyone in my entire life. Even before we spoke my heart compelled me towards him and his nonchalant attitude.

It all changed to quickly when his lips touched mine. It was like my body was awakened and I had suddenly become desperate for him against me. His touch sparked a lust within me that I had never seen. My whole outlook on life was completely flipped, whether it was for better or worse. I had either turned into a monster or found the missing piece in me, but I have no clue. Something that controlling has to be bad, it just has to. I can barely control myself with him, sometimes I don't. I can't.

I sighed. He was right.

"What do you want to know?"I asked him. I didn't want to talk about him. He's already been on my mind ever since I opened up to Remiul about him. I didn't want him to invade my reality too.

"What pops into your mind when you think of him?"

"Sunshine."

I smiled painfully.

"I-" I began to say. I took a sharp breath in, trying to stop the tears from flowing down my face.

"It's ok. What is said in this room will not be shared with anyone."he encouraged me.

"I have a family and am going to be king. He's still figuring out what he's going to do with his life. I'm mature and he's just a... child."I explained to him.

I've already figured out my entire life. I have a beautiful wife and amazing child. I have a marvelous palace to live in, where I'm soon to be king. This is it for me. This is where I will live the rest of my life.

Sam doesn't even have a house. He's staying at mine. He doesn't know where he's going to go, he won't get his fortune until his father dies, and he has no spouse. He has so much more growing up to do and decisions to make in his life.

We don't belong together.

"Sunshine? Is that all?"

"I see... him painting. Him running through the football field. The accident. The look of death in his eyes. Looking at him in the hospital for the last time. Then, everything is gone. Like he was never there. Erased."