Carve Me Open / r.l. + s.b. /

Dreadful

During his downtime, Remus had shown them his hut, describing the horrible odor and the ruined walls. In an unexpected change of events, James appeared to be quite intrigued in the beast's "lair." Peter was worried, and Remus wondered if he had considered abandoning their current effort. Sirius had remained as stoic as ever, staring about with his eyes vacant. When things didn't sit well with him, he liked his own stillness, chin held high, lips pursed. Sirius appeared to be great friends with indifference.

Sirius was anything from indifferent in the Potters' guest bedroom just a few months ago. His fingers were focused, and his arms were wide and welcoming. Being a friend of Sirius, especially if you're Remus, means you're never quite sure where you fit into his universe. He always wondered which side of the border he would fall on. Responsive? Amicable? Something in the middle? Something more comprehensive?

Remus can't stomach reliving that time. If he did, it would lead him down paths he was unwilling to take. Roads that, if his father found out, would lead to nothing but problems, disownment, and contempt. Roads fraught with uncertainty and Sirius's ever-changing whims. Roads that were under threat from a variety of sources that Remus couldn't identify on all of his fingers and toes.

Everything was best to set it aside for the time being, concede what had transpired, and move on. If he could get over being tagged by the Ministry, he could definitely get over an extremely intimate moment with his best friend. Remus put the night to the back of his memory, labeling it as a heart to heart and locking it beneath multiple keys until he lost track. Furthermore, Remus was too young to consider love, let alone love with another boy. He also questioned Sirius' ability to love anyone at all in an open and unconditional manner. It wasn't part of his personality. However, such subjects were no longer open for debate.

There were much more important matters at hand, such as perfecting that damn potion.

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"I'm thinking of jumping from the Astronomy tower if Walburga forces me to go to such a dumb wedding," Sirius growled, his fists grasping his satchel until his knuckles grew white.

They were on their way to Potions, their third lesson of the day, and Peter was already complaining about lunch as James boasted about his newest accomplishment.

Sirius, as he always seemed to be, was irritated about something or other. If it wasn't the wedding, Regulus was sorted into Slytherin. If it wasn't his brother, it was James becoming Captain of the Quidditch team, which meant less time for tricks and parading.

"You could at least pretend you're happy for them," Remus pointed out, nose buried in his new copy of Daddy by Sylvia Path. His face twisted in discomfort, and he licked his thumb to turn the page.

"The only day anyone will be happy for me is when I'm being lowered into a six-foot hole in the ground," Sirius moaned. Remus snapped his book shut and scowled at the side of Sirius' massive head with an eyeroll. It's left to the successor to nonchalantly fling himself against a wall and lament, "Woe is me."

It was becoming more difficult to put up with Sirius that year; for whatever reason, his performances were once again taking full advantage of him, and Remus was supposed to go through with that purely because it was 'just how Sirius acted.' To sum it up, Remus would've celebrated it if his companion would simply put on his big boy pants and grow up.

There were many things in this world that Remus would have preferred to avoid. Humans, crowded places, publicity, poor grades, full moons - life can be so unfair. But what good would muttering do? He'd wanted to say nothing. Bitching about it to the few people who would listen to you not only lowers your own attitude but also dampens theirs. Remus was unsure whether James and Peter shared this passion, and he considered whether he was entitled to feel this way.