Bound by Devotion

Chapter Twelve

She could look for Kornae. She could find him and swear to him that she did nothing with anyone else. But what good would that do?

She kicked her feet, small stones sliding down the bigger rocks that she sat on. She was back to being angry. He could treat her anyway he wanted to. It didn't fucking matter. They were all going to die, anyway. Right?

But that wasn't the real reason she was mad. His actions hurt her. Of course they did. But she was far more angry with herself. Because for a second and a half, a wild joy filled her. The thought that there was life inside her, a tiny precious thing, filling that part of her that opened when she held that Seelie baby.

She ran her hand over her stomach and imagined if there could be a tiny heartbeat. How amazing would that be? But, the part she hated herself for was being so happy that she forgot that they might not make it out alive. That the phantom child would die with her, never seeing the light of day, much less the beauty of an Unseelie night. Pressing her hand tighter against the slight mound, she broke down.

Tears for her childless body, tears for Kornae's anger and refusal to forgive himself, and tears for the unborn baby in her mind.

An arm wrapped around her shoulders and she turned blindly into the comfort. Gideon, bless his soul, couldn't let her cry by herself. But it was okay. Her rage was gone again, swallowed by sorrow and she understood what the Shadow court must have been. Sobs racked her and she shifted, screaming her heartache into the vampire holding her, for the love she wanted with Kornae, for their child. A child that would never be because she was going to die. Finally, she grew quiet beneath the hand that stroked her spine.

She looked up to thank Gideon before erupting into a mad scramble to get away from Kornae. She almost made it to her feet, head hitting the rock over her, then she was back on her ass with his hand locked around her ankle.

"I expected words thrown at me, my Queen, not your attempt to knock yourself unconscious."

She sat still and watched him. His eyes were quiet and of course she couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"What happened?" he asked.

"I don't know what you mean by what happened, but I've not slept with another Fae."

"That is tricky Fae speak. Sleep has many different meanings, especially in your human world."

"Are you asking me if I fucked someone else?"

"Yes."

His simple answer infuriated her. But, trying to be rational, she tried to see where he was coming from. But she couldn't because she wasn't fucking pregnant!

She took a deep breath. "No, Kornae. I've not let anyone other than my vampires put their you-know-what into my you-know-what." His sigh was like a gentle breeze to the flames her out-of-control emotions. "No, I've not had sex with another Fae. I've not let another Fae touch me in anyway, much less one that would put a baby in here." His eyes followed her finger and she could swear he physically touched her. She pulled her foot away and turned from him, staring out into the never-ending gray. "The only thing I have is the memory of a dream."

"You came into your powers."

She nodded. "That night you did... well...what you did. That was the night the Palace opened up to me. And while it wasn't sex, I assumed that palace thought it was. And now I'm so confused." She could feel the tears well again, but she blinked them away. "But, in a way, I guess I did have you, Kornae. Because that night was the one night that I didn't dream of death and destruction. That came later." She pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around her knees. "Instead of horror, I dreamed of being with you."