don't hold on | rick grimes, twd

06

shane sucked in an anxious breath, "nikki, i'm so sorry."

nikki knew this man, considering the fact they'd dedicated themselves to each other for a decade, even though that seemed to go down the drain the second he pursued lori all those months ago. him saying that, was all the confirmation she needed from her previous question.

her husband was a liar, cheater, and murderer. oh, how she was desperate to dig through her mind and figure out where it all went wrong. fuck, she cursed to herself. the fight they had before she left for atlanta was a huge one, where they discussed that no longer being together would probably be best, seeing as they were struggling to work with each other as parents and lovers.

except she didn't mean any of it, they were both angry at each other, throwing in small digs to get on each other's nerves. but arguments similar to that before the world ended had occurred, and they were fine with each other the next morning. had something changed in shane that day? did he actually mean it and nikki just didn't catch on?

no, they hadn't broken up officially, they were still husband and wife when she departed for the big city. this was shane's fault, not her own, she wasn't crazy.

on top of it all, he's a murderer, with invisible blood staining his rough hands. darkness overpowered his eyes ever since he'd returned from the high school. he was a different man now, not the man she met, married, and definitely not the man she'd raised their daughter with.

she shook her head with heavy disappointment, "how could you just mercilessly murder someone?" nikki shouted, "how could you do that to me? to lola?"

shane anxiously rubbed his bald head, and turned his eyes to look into hers, broken, scorched. "i did it for you." he declared, his tone confident, "and for lola, carl too. the men i've killed, i've done that to survive." he pushed his index finger into his chest, "to make sure we survive. the world's different now, nik, you know this. and rick—that man he ain't built for it."

nikki recoiled her head back at his last declaration, rick, not built for this world? bullshit. the woman shook her head at him, "that's crap and you know it, shane."

"but is it really?" he took a step towards her, "i can protect us, nik, all of us. and rick, he just—he ain't get it, he's weak."

nikki rolled her eyes, growing irritated and angry by the second from shane's rant about rick. the man who's been keeping the group in check and stable since he arrived, if it hadn't been for him she knew lola and her would be dead by now, ashes blowing away in the wind had dr. jenner actually gotten the chance to blow them into nothing.

but it was rick who convinced him otherwise, and saved them many times, and likely will many times more. the man has given nikki no indication to not trust him, but lately, her very own husband, was giving her reasons to no longer rely on him. it frightened her.

"god shane." she groaned in exasperation, her hands holding her head as she sniffled her tears away. hearing the truth from him, was different from hearing it by lori, or rick, no, she had not married them, she had not birthed their child.

shane placed his hands on his hips, "baby, i just need you to trust me, please."

nikki shifted her eyes to look into his, desperation, want, he wanted her to believe him, badly.