don't hold on | rick grimes, twd

06

"what's there to trust anymore?" she breathed out, before turning around and walking away from shane. nikki got all she'd needed from him, she didn't need to speak to him further.

shane, he just admitted it all to her. what she asked, he answered. rick was right, the wife held him down. she keep him sane.

-

when an upset nikki returned to the campsite, it was obvious she was upset by everyone who got a quick look at her. she had beelined straight for her tent, set on making eye contact with no one, she needed to be alone, she needed to process.

when she entered her tent, pained sobs escaped her mouth, and she was quick to suppress the sounds with the palm of her hand. nikki promised to herself she'd no longer cry about this, but after her conversation with shane, she felt ten times worse.

it burned in her chest, desperate to be unleashed, she hated how quick her life had turned to shit so quickly. nikki didn't know what was going to happen now, she assumed she should pack up her and lola's things and find somewhere else to sleep. she wasn't even going to attempt to sleep in the same vicinity as him, she didn't trust herself to not lash out and scream, or even take a knife to his throat while he slept soundly. he ruined her life, and made it a living hell, didn't he deserve it?

"nik, is everything okay?"

the woman held her face in her hands, and scoffed to herself. she didn't have to turn her back to identify the voice, she'd known it for many years.

it was the voice of a backstabber, a liar.

"get. out." she spoke past her swollen lips, her tears wanting to escape past her lids for what felt like the hundredth time today.

she turned her head slightly to glance at her, and saw the obliviousness in her eyes. her chest seared with anger, did this woman seriously think i wouldn't find out?

the woman whipped around and scowled, "i said, get out!" she could no longer control her flow of tears, which just made her angrier, she was being seen as weak, nikki hated that more than anything.

lori's face went from a look of concern to utter shock, the switch in nikki happening so quick she had no time to process it. "nikki i don't—"

nikki stepped closer until she was in the other woman's face, her eyes crazy with anger, "how could you talk, and laugh with me after what you did? how could you even look me in the eyes?" her furious tone cracked, her stomach sick with betrayal.

lori blinked, nothing coming to mind to respond to nikki, there was absolutely nothing she could say that would make this decision better. she deserved this, especially after what she did, she knows that.

"you fucking bitch!" nikki shouted, no longer caring if others heard her screaming, there was no doubt everyone outside it, knowing it was just glenn, carol, andrea, dale, and t-dog.

lori shook her head profusely, she had every right to be angry at her, she just wasn't expecting her to be this, reactive. "nikki, i'm so sorry i—"

"how could you both do this to me?" she seethed through gritted teeth, she could taste the salty tears on her tongue. "we were best friends, what did i ever do to you to deserve this?" nikki was desperate, seeking for answers from the woman to find an explanation for this.

"you were the first person i told when i found out i was pregnant." nikki spoke, remembering the sweet and memorable moment between them all those years ago. her and lori had so many wonderful memories together, and yet, they were now in this, situation.

lori's eyes sprung with tears, shame, shame, she watched the woman cry with guilt bubbling in her chest.

how the hell did her and i get here?

she had an answer for that, simple, lori and shane went behind her back and did what the did, as a result, lori's now carrying his child.

her husbands child, thinking about it fueled nikki's anger continuously. "you know what you did." nikki declared, her teeth wounding her tongue and her nails digging into her palms as she kept her fists at her sides. she wouldn't hit a pregnant woman, no, but damn, did she really want to.

she watched as carol, dale, and glenn entered the tent with intense concern etched in their features. nikki placed a hand on her heart as fire boomed in her chest, why did it burn so much?

it was when carol placed a hand on nikki's shoulder that she came back to her senses, she looked around the room as her breathing began to slow, everyone stared silently, you could hear the light wind past the tent flaps.

"c'mon, you and lola can stay in my tent with me." carol offered assuringly, her tone clear that she was serious.

nikki didn't make eye contact with her group members, or respond to carol, she picked up her duffel bag and began packing her stuff inside, neatly but with haste. it wasn't worth it making a scene in front of the others, even if it was justified. they had heard enough, that was all that was needed.

the wounded woman could hear as multiple footsteps exited the room, she looked back, and caught a glance of carol carrying out a few of lola's things for her. lori only remained in the tent, staring silently with teary eyes.

she was the last woman nikki wanted to see, and couldn't figure out her purpose for still being here. "it was a mistake." lori muttered with a pained tone, she began to walk backwards slowly, "it was the worst mistake of my life, i'm so sorry, nik."

the lady didn't give her a chance to respond, as she darted out of the tent without another spoken word. nikki stood there silently, taking in what lori had to say. she could feel how badly she wanted to cry, but none came. perhaps the tears had truly paused for the day. she hoped.

as she sniffled the mucus away, nikki gathered her things up in her arms and exited the tent quietly. she kept her head held high and headed straight for carol's tent, where she passed the very woman in the process, going the opposite way and back to help move more of her things she presumed.

this was good, it was what nikki needed, a place where she could be with her thoughts and no one to bother her, carol and lola could never be the ones to disturb her.

considering the fact she had a lot of thinking to do, finding out her husband was a liar, a cheater who claims he murdered someone in cold blood for the good of survival and their family.

and the cherry on top was the woman he had hooked up with, was nikki's best friend, and currently pregnant with his baby.

kill me now, she thought to herself.

-
!gif is of nikki arguing with shane!