Hold On (Book 1 of It's Not Over)

January

When I got to the nurse's office Logan was sitting on a bed in the corner crying. It killed me to see him like that. The usually stoic kid reduced to sniffling and tears. I sat on the bed with Logan and pulled him into my arms. Gently rocking him I rubbed small circles into his back.

We both walked to class, when the nurse was satisfied that Logan was calm enough, and apologized to the teacher before going to our next class.

After that I started walking Logan to class everyday.

***

15

"Logan! Logan, open the door and talk to me! Please!" Patton was out on a date with Sunniva. My dad was working late. Logan, Roman, and I had decided to hang out at my house.

"Virgil, watch out. I'm gonna break the door down," Roman looked determinedly at the bathroom door.

"STOP!"

We both froze and stared at the bathroom door. I can't speak for Roman, but I was fairly certain I was having a heart attack. The door slowly opened and Logan stared at us with tear stained cheeks. Without thinking I launched myself at him and hugged him tightly.

"I can assure you both that I am perfectly fine."

"You scared the shit out of us, Logan. What happened?"

"I was having an anxiety attack. I received a less than satisfactory grade on my history report," he had wrapped his arms around me and was rubbing small circles into my back as he spoke.

"I told you to talk to me when something is wrong, calculator watch," I sobbed against his chest.

"I know, Virgil. And I apologize. Just sometimes I need to deal with things on my own. I promise you, I have not done anything I would regret." I sniffles and nodded my head, still clinging to my friend.

I felt Logan go tense and then Roman's footsteps retreat. Letting go of the younger teen I looked after my boyfriend. "Roman?" The front door slammed in response and Logan and I flinched.

"You should go after him, Virgil."

I hesitated, only moving when Logan assures me that he would be okay.

Running down the stairs and out the front door I cursed when I saw that Roman's car was gone. I took a few deep breaths to calm my racing heart and pulled out my mobile to call the jock.

"What?"

"Roman, it's Virgil. What's going on? Why'd you leave?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Please, Roman."

"What are you and Logan?"

"What?"

"What is your relationship with Logan?"

"He's my best friend and my band mate. And we're both on the debate team. Why?"

"Virgil..."

"There is nothing going on between me  and Logan, Ro. You're my boyfriend. My only boyfriend. I swear."

"I don't know, Virgil."

"I was scared, Roman! Logan has had a lot of really bad anxiety attacks and I may have been projecting some stupid shit I've done during anxiety attacks on him and thinking the worst. I love you, Roman. I wouldn't do anything to mess up our relationship. I promise. Please."

"What stupid shit, Virgil?" His voice sounded concerned. I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want him to do what Patton and dad had finally stopped doing. I didn't want to be treated like I would break. "Virgil?"

I had to tell him though. I opened my mouth to speak, but before I could say anything my phone was pulled out of my hand. I turned to see Logan holding the device.

"Virgil was afraid I would start cutting again, Roman. I think you should return so that we can all sit down and discuss this in person." There was a moment of silence before Logan spoke again. "Affirmative." He ended the call and handed me back my phone.

"Why, Logan?"

"I do not want what is going on with me to mess up your relationship, Virgil. Roman makes you happy. What kind of friend would I be if I willingly ruined that?"

"Is he coming back?"

"Yes," he led me into the house and we went into the kitchen and each had a cup of hot chocolate while we waited for Roman to return.

***

31

Roman sat on my bed playing with my hair while Logan quizzed us for our chemistry test. When he came back two weeks ago the three of us sat around the kitchen table and discussed my mental health and the real reason Logan was staying with my family. We even discussed that although the emancipation process went without a hitch my dad had insisted that Logan stay with us so he could focus on his studies. Patton still didn't know and we wanted to keep it that way. Roman agreed not to tell anyone about what was going on with Logan and we thanked him.

He did treat me like I would break at any moment for the first week after our talk. I'm not sure how many times I promised him that I haven't had an SI moment in months before he finally let up.

"I think you are both prepared for the quiz," Logan adjusted his glasses as he spoke.

"Thanks, teach," Roman teased.

I stretched and sat up, running a hand through my hair. "I'm still gonna study some more."

"Studying more may have an adverse result on your ability to do adequately on the quiz, Virgil."

"Yeah. How about we take a break and watch some anime." I made a face, grimacing slightly. "We're talking toons, Dr Gloom!"

"Yeah. I know. And normally I'd be down for it, but..."

"But there is a quiz approaching and your anxiety is elevated."

"No."

"You'd rather make out?"

"No!" My face was bright red, and I didn't have to look at Logan to know his was too. Honestly, I thought Remus was the only perv in that family.

"Then what is it?"

"I applied for university and I have an interview after school and I wanna keep my mind off of it because I'm afraid I'm gonna somehow screw it up."

"That's wonderful, Virgil! Not the fear of messing up, but that you are going to peruse a post-secondary education. Have you decided on an area of study?"

Roman wrapped an arm around my shoulders and kissed the side of my head. "I umm... I'm gonna go for psychology."

"You would make a wonderful therapist or psychiatrist, Virge."

"Thanks."

"The three of us definitely need to relax and watch cartoons now! That will definitely keep your mind off of the interview."

"You two go ahead. Patton asked me to meet with him and Sunniva when we were done studying," Logan pat my shoulder then headed out of my room and left the house.