Carve Me Open / r.l. + s.b. /

Carnal

Sirius had an honest and intense appreciation of his connection with Remus. In fact, he was compelled to risk leaving the common area and look for him. That, however, would aggravate James, who had already been misbehaving like a dependent toddler towards Sirius that year. So, how do you try to tell lovely Lily Evans and brilliant James Potter to fuck off so he may sulk in his bedroom till Remus returns? Remus would advise him to tell the truth.

"Look, guys, I just..." Sirius said nervously as he looked down at them from the top of the stairwell, gnawing his lower lip.

The words eluded him. There would be no other way to put it. Lily, ever so perceptive, squeezed James's arm with a tiny nod.

"Come on, Potter," she said as she wished Sirius goodnight.

"But Lily," James whimpered.

"Leave him be," she said, tone final.

James resisted for a minute, leaning back to challenge Sirius' stance, but Lily's lovely voice and caressing hands were too potent. The two of them disappeared in the crowd of bodies, and Sirius withdrew to his bedroom to do just what Remus would not have wanted him to do: pout.

Sirius climbed into his bed after a hot shower, wearing the tacky Christmas jumper that smelled like Remus and his drapey trousers that were still "missing." His hair kept falling in his face, so he pushed it up in a tight bun, ignoring the sting on his scalp. He slid into the duvet, swamped in Euphemia's blanket.

He found it to be far cozier than his bed at Potter Manor, and it seemed more like his own bed in a twisted sense. He hadn't been infringing on Hogwarts's grounds at all. Sirius was a student, someone who was supposed to be there. His placement with the Potters was not expected, and it never intended to be permanent. The fact that he felt more like a nuisance than a contributing member of his new family had more to do with himself than with anything they had done for him.

Euphemia and Fleamont had been generous enough to take him shopping for new clothes; Walburga, according to Regulus, incinerated most of his possessions following the verdict in April 1976. She'd mostly left his room undisturbed, only removing those dour posters of Muggle women and motorcycles. She must have forgotten that the permanent sticking charm is, well, permanent. They also redecorated the guest room to his satisfaction, either by acquiring new furnishings or repurposing old ones. Fleamont had even given Sirius an antique record player to accent his bedroom, showing him how to use his first Muggle gadget.

To put it in simple terms, Sirius was apprehensive despite their benevolence. Euphemia didn't threaten to hex his heart out of his throat, and Fleamont didn't use the saltshaker to terrify him. James was devoted to the point of idiocy some days; nothing seemed out of place with his new family to his naked eye. Nonetheless, a part of him had flourished in horror around them.

They were wonderful in every respect, but Sirius was not. He was boisterous and rambunctious, fairly profane, but not as nasty as Remus. He occasionally forgot that the Potters didn't have any house-elves, which meant he had to clean up after himself. Some days, he was bothered, and annoyed could be an understatement. Sirius had become so accustomed to venting his rage on Kreacher or, if he was feeling especially daring, his own mother, that meeting the somewhat gentle Potter's was disturbing. All of his pent-up bad energy had left him feeling inadequate and undeserving of their goodwill, but going to Hogwarts and being surrounded by people he could easily "blend" with put his mind at ease.

He clearly felt at home around Remus, but they didn't have much alone time together that year. Minnie had chosen to extend Remus's night monitoring hours, making it nearly impossible for him to study in the company of his friends. He was instead obligated to do so during mealtime and class breaks. Remus and James had taken the most N.E.W.T. level courses out of the four of them. Sirius was not surprised; they both felt they had something to prove. Remus was only being academic, whereas James was trying to impress Lily.