Deep in our heads

Part 6 - 2014

"I'm not saying I'll go back there willingly. They'll probably catch me."

"Steve and Natasha will help..."

"You. They'll help you. I made them promise that to me." I turn to face him and cup his face in my hands. He lowers his gaze so he can look me in the eyes. I feel I'm tearing up on the inside. There's no way I'm letting those tears come out. "Because if anything happens to you, I won't...I won't be able to handle it. You hear me ?"

"What if something happens to you ?" He leans in and his forehead touches mine. "Don't you think I'll feel exactly the same way ?"

"I don't care, James. You're the important one here. And I need you to promise that next time...next time they take me, you won't come back for me."

"You know I can't promise you that." He closes his eyes and his voice trembles.

"You have to. There's no hope for me anymore."

"But why ? Why couldn't you be saved ?"

"Ugh, you don't get it." I can feel my anger and melancholy building up. I don't want to take it out on him and yet his questions make me want to punch a wall. I get away from him and grab the phone Nat gave me.

"Don't get what ?" He's angry as well now. "I was there with you, y/n. You're not alone in this."

"You were brainwashed, James, for God's sake ! I did everything they told me to do and I did it willingly ! I killed people, I tortured people, innocent people and I remember all of it !" I break down and angry tears roll on my cheeks. "I remember everything," I whisper. "Now let me check on Nat and Rogers. They'll have good news, hopefully." I type in her number and she quickly picks up, cutting James off.

"Y/n, I-"

"Is that you ?" Nat asks. "God, we were waiting for your call. Are you guys safe ?"

"Yeah," I say as I look away from James. "We're still where you left us."

"Get out. You have to get out now. We've been calling you, why didn't you pick up ?"

"We were sleeping, Nat. What's-"

"Never mind. You have to go. Rumlow's on his way to get you."

My whole body shifts to combat mode as I look around me and lends an ear to any unknown noise we might hear. "I'll be careful, don't worry. No one's here yet."

"Fine, but you have to leave now. Take this phone with you but don't take anything else. We think there's a tracker in your stuff."

And with that she hangs up. I look at James with blank eyes and tell them the news. "We have to leave. Rumlow will be here in a minute. Don't take anything with you."

"But we-"

"Let's go."

I put the phone in my jacket and put on my hoodie. I give James his baseball cap and he puts it on with a confused look.

"We have to be fast."

"Were are we going ?" He asks.

"I don't know. We run as far as we can."

"Y/n, you can't run."

"I'll do my best. Now go."

I open the door and starts walking fast down the hallway. We don't come across anybody and we get out of the building quite easily. Too easily. We walk fast in the streets until we reach a place where we won't be seen. We take all the back alleys and all the dark streets as we run as fast as we can. James is a few steps ahead of me and he keeps looking back to make sure I'm still there. My stomach starts hurting and I press it with my hand. The pains goes away for a moment but it comes back as soon as I remove my hand. Shit. We're in another dark alley when someone hits me on the back of my head. I gasp and shout so James can run away from whoever caught me. Except he doesn't. He comes back towards me and punches the man behind me in the face. I get up quickly despite the pain I'm in. Rumlow is standing in front of us, clenching his fits, eyes sparkling with rage.