Build Me Up

Chapter 2

"I'm just saying! They're a bunch of lowlifes." My dad growled. I got up quickly and put everyone's plate into the sink. I started to wash everything. I saw where this was going.

"And? How are you any better? You go around sleeping with every guy you meet at those bars. Do you not remember we're married?" I winced. Oh no. This is going to be a big one.

My dad slammed his hands onto the table making my mom and me jump. "You always bring this up! That was years ago. I stopped that. And like you're any better, you wonder why I did it?" My dad was talking about the fights. I knew my mom would never cheat. I was finished with my last plate. I put it in the drying rack.

"Ugh! Why don't you shove my foot up your ass you fucking piece of shi-" Slap! My dad hit my mom. He was about to again when I raced in front of her. He didn't even care who he hit. I fell to the floor. He kicked me in the stomach until his anger was let out.

"You useless child! If it weren't for you, we'd be happy and have a better life. It's all your fucking fault!" My dad left with a sneer and slammed the front door.

"Butters? Oh god, sweetie. I'm so sorry. I love you. I wish I could stop him from ever hurting you." My mom was bawling her eyes out and hugged me. "Let's get you cleaned up, okay?" She brought me into the bathroom and took my shirt off. She cringed at the sight of me. "I'm sorry." She put bandages on places where I was bleeding and wrapped my stomach up. She went to get ice packs and applied them to my stomach. "Better?"

I smiled weakly. "Better. Thank you, mom." It was sad that we had a first aid kit stuffed full of all kinds of supplies. Like this was normal. I put my shirt back on. She didn't notice the cuts on my wrist. At least she didn't think they were mine.

"Mom?" I quietly said. "Why are you still married to him?"

She had a look of regret on her face. "Your father has to agree to it. At least to make it final. I know he won't."

I sighed. "Maybe... You should look into it. Get a lawyer that can help us. I would want to live with you here. I don't want to live with dad." Why wasn't I crying right now? Was I too use to this?

"I promise, I will. Right away. But it might take a long time. I just hope he doesn't hurt us too badly." My mom kissed my forehead. "Go get some sleep, okay Butters? You need it."

"Okay mom, good night. Will you be okay tonight? What if he comes back?"

"He will stay away for now. He knows to sleep on the couch if he does come back."

My mom left to call a lawyer. She probably wanted one from out of town. Probably wanted to keep this quiet. I don't want people to know about the problems in my family too.

I walked to my bedroom and changed into a black shirt and sweatpants. I didn't feel like wearing something 'me'.

I locked my door. I didn't want anyone coming in. I looked into my mirror. I looked sad, 'pathetic'.

"Useless," I whispered to my reflection.

"I'm completely useless. I'm such a waste of space. What am I good for? All I ever do is disappoint everyone. I shouldn't exist. I should-I should.." I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. I frowned as my reflection turned blurry. It was like I was getting erased. "I should be-." I choked on my tears. I was breathing too hard. Deep breathes. Deep breathes. I looked towards my drawer.

"No!" I whisper shouted. I should be alive. What good am I dead? I would leave my mom alone with only my father left. I'd leave Tweek and Jimmy and Timmy. I'm sure they'd miss me. I wouldn't be able to take care of the animals at my job. Or look at the stars and sunset and sunrise. I couldn't travel. I couldn't make anyone smile again. I couldn't meet anyone new. I wouldn't have a future. "You deserve to live. You deserve to be happy. Mom deserves to be happy. Everyone does." I was calming myself down, and I went to my bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. I smiled weakly at the mirror. "You won't die tonight. I believe in you."