And Then There Was Victor

Chapter 6

"Que bella, mami," he said.

I thought it was creepy and uninvited, he was too old for me but still, a little bloom of something erupted in my chest. He was a man, a grown man, and he thought me pretty. The way he stared at me told me he desired me and I wondered if this is what Yara and Mercy felt. I wondered if I swayed my hips or tossed him a smile I could make him do things. Things I wanted. The thought scared me and I rushed to my car, away from his eyes. As I sat on the hot seat and turned on the AC, I glanced at myself in the rearview mirror. I looked like someone who would be desired, and I did not quite know how to handle that situation.

My first semester started in two weeks and I devoured those days in buying supplies, books, and new clothing. It was odd to shop for clothes without my girls, suddenly I had no one to turn to about decisions on a top. Did it look good? Was it too revealing? Was this a good color? I didn't know. I was so lost that the first day I left without buying anything. Mom asked if I wanted her to come with me but I knew she would not approve of things that I liked so I declined. Plus, I wanted to do this for myself.

I found myself once again in the Florida Mall, standing before a mirror and attempting to decipher if the top I was trying on looked good. A guy that worked there stopped and stood behind me and our eyes met in the mirror.

"Super cute, I love it," he said. "Makes your boobs look great."

I gasped and laughed but he shrugged his thin shoulders. "Listen, I may be gay but I know when tits look good."

I looked back at myself. "I don't want to look desperate. I don't know what to wear to college."

He put his hand on his chin and looked me over. "Hmm, I never went to college so I'm not sure either. But the top looks like you're up for a good time."

I grimaced.

"Buy it anyway, you're going to be partying." He fixed the twisted strap.

"I don't party much. Which is probably why I'm still a virgin."

Now it was his turn to gasp. "Are you serious? But you're so cute!"

I gave him a pressed-lipped smile. "Well, you haven't met my friends."

He rolled his eyes and fluttered his hand in dismissal. "Doesn't matter. College is different, or so I've heard. Actually, the real world is all different. I was a pariah in High School, I had like no friends and now my social calendar is packed. Packed."

He finished fixing the top with expert fingers and pulled back to admire his work.

"You're going to have your pick." He nodded at his handiwork then pulled a card from his back pocket. "My roommate is a bartender at Club Test, in downtown, I go every Thursday. Have you been to a gay club?"

I shook my head but took the card he offered. The card had a massive amount of rainbows on it and CLUB TEST as in bold cursive letters.

"If you want to have a fucking good time, come, ask for Jayson. They won't card you as long as you wear that top." He smiled and turned to walk away.

"Hey, what's your name?"

He looked at me. "Denis, no last name."

"Ok, Denis no last name, I'm Becka."

"I'll remember that, Becka with the rack." He winked and got lost in a row of dresses.

×××

Despite staying in the same town, I did get into a good college. The main atrium building was tall, large, and white, with windows that ran up both sides letting in the brilliant Florida sunlight and bathing us the pleasure of tropical living. Everything was new; a new library, new floors, new stairs, crisp and ready to be soiled by the freshman class that took over the building. I had been awarded a work-study and would be working in the advising office, helping students map out their academic plans. The money was crap but dad had agreed to buy me a car, a Corolla which was bright red with low mileage. It was nothing special but it was wheels and I was free to come and go as I pleased. When I drove it around town I felt invisible, I'd blast No Doubt, windows down and bob along as my hair blew in the wind. I could do silly everyday things like a trip to Burger King, a stop at the mall, and to get stuff from the grocery store if Mom had run out of an ingredient. I was happy to do it, just to get out of the house, to be able to be as free as a tiny bird.