Build Me Up

Chapter 5

"Ugh, this is so messed up. We didn't do anything, it was all Eric." Stan's hands rose defensively.

One of the soldiers shouted something in Russian, pointing the gun towards the one in all orange. "You help us get it back, and we will not murder you all. Understand?" The same Russian guy said.

"We don't have the machine anymore! We got rid-" Kyle's voice was cut off by the soldier's gun. "Oh my god, they killed Kenny!"

"You basterds!"

I wake up with a gasp. Sweating profusely, I peered around to find some source of light. My alarm clock shined brightly against the darkness of my room. It was around 1:30 a.m. Reaching out for my phone, I realized it was missing.

"Oh shoot, it's down stairs still." I whispered. As quietly as I could, I crawled out of my bed and slowly opened my bedroom door. Everything was pitch black, so I guided my way down stairs with my hand. Deciding to turn on the living room light, I glanced around for any sign of my father. It looked like he was still gone, so I went to the front door. My mom had cleaned up the place while I was sleeping, but my phone wasn't there. I searched around until I found it underneath the couch, cracked.

I tried turning my phone on, but it was either broken or needed to be charged.

Frowning, I walked into the kitchen because I was starving. Opening the refrigerator, I cringed at the bright light and saw a sandwich on a paper plate. There was a card next to it with my name on it. Looks like my mom made me some dinner but put it in the fridge because she didn't want to wake me. Chuckling slightly, I silently thanked her and ate the sandwich quickly.

After throwing everything out, I turned off the living room light. Heading back upstairs, I brushed my teeth then plugged in my phone and it light up. Success!

I was thrown back into another deep sleep. Like the other one, something felt wrong. This time I was in someone else's bedroom. Expecting something like my last dream to happen, the door flew open.

In came a teen with a blue and red poof ball hat. He was alone, making me wonder why I was dreaming about this. After shutting his bedroom door, Stanley opened his closet, taking out a random book and opening it. Sitting down at his desk, he looked out his window to make sure no one was home. Sighing, he turned to a blank page. That was weird, the book had a cover of a famous book, but had a blank page? Stan started to write down his thoughts, making me curious. Moving towards him so I could see what he was writing, he looked over his shoulder directly at me, frowning. His eye brows were scrunched together and his face was blotchy. Tear marks were visible and new tears threatened to run down his face at any moment.

Reaching out for him, I fell through his desk. By the time I got back up, Stanley was back to writing. My eyes trailed over the rushed words on the paper.

Friday: Life has meaning but yet I don't see it. We are supposed to find it or know the meaning, but how? By living? Saying it'll get better? News flash, it doesn't get better no matter how hard you try. No matter how hard you try and make everyone happy, you will still be unhappy. Taking my medication because I am highly depressed and anxious does nothing. I feel both emotional and emotionless at the same time. I have no clue how to feel unless I'm dejected. I don't want to be unhappy, but I can't fix myself. There is no use at trying to fix something that is so complicatedly broken. You want me to smile and stop being a downer? Fine, I will, but eventually it'll all come back to bite me in the ass. I'll go through the whole cycle of being happy and end up crying and drunk because it was all fake. Is the world not shitty? Why am I the only one who sees the world as it is? Evil and cruel. People only do something good to benefit from it. How am I supposed to go on when nothing makes me happy? Is there just something wrong with me that makes me such a shitty person? Is this all my fault? Am I the problem? I must be because how can everyone else be happy and loving when I'm just a cynical asshole? I can't control how I feel, but I wish I could. I wish I could feel completely and utterly happy. I wish I didn't spend the day trapped in a never ending loop with the same events happening every single time. People leave you because they don't care. They always leave you.Why wouldn't you be grateful for what you have. You have friends, an amazing girlfriend, a loving family, and the best super best friend a guy can ask for. That's what the old me would say, but I was wrong. Wendy broke up with me, and of course I was sad. I loved her, but she made me realize what I was missing. I understand her reasoning for ending our relationship, and I hope she gets the happy ending she deserves. Sure my family loves me, I think, but they aren't happy and that's all I want for them. I have friends, but I feel like they hate me. Like I'm too pessimistic and annoying for them. They'll leave me like they did when I was ten. Kyle will leave me. I don't want him to because I love him. He won't understand that though because he'll always be my best friend and nothing more. If I told him I loved him in a romantic way, everything would be worse and he'd leave me. I'm fine suffering alone as long as everyone else isn't.

...

I woke up to the sun shining brightly in my direction. Holy crap, I thought. Dreams that specific can't just be dreams...

As I shook it off, I spent the weekend resting and going in and out of dreams. They all were nightmares, like usual. I've had nightmares since I was little. Most of them were about Kenny dying, but it always made me happy that he was there the next day in school.

Although, the dream about Stan was making me wonder, what if these dreams actually happened?

Okay, I'm finally done my midterms so I wrote this! I hope it isn't too bad because I haven't been feeling it this week. I normally have ideas in my head but don't know how to write them out.

Hope you enjoyed the chapter! :)