~ Always Besides You ~

9. Endeavour

Laksh smiled a bit and continued, "You know what; I like when you become rebel to my words. That showed a different side of you to me. You changed!"

"Did you want to say this? Well, to your knowledge, I didn't change. It's just that situation demanded a change in my approach and I obliged. I don't think that I need your appreciation for that." She didn't lessen the stiffness of her voice.

"That sounded a bit rude, no?" Before Ragini could react, he continued, "Yeah, I deserve it from you I know. Maybe that's why I know that saying a 'Sorry' two-three times won't make up the pain I gave you."

"Ohh. Laksh Maheswari is thinking in that way. That's really surprising." Ragini said with a pinch of sarcasm while Laksh got surprised again, that's not new but this time Ragini herself was surprised.

Laksh let out a chuckle but had tears in his eyes. "I know right! I know I did hurt you immensely. I should have apologized to you before. But--" His words were cut in between.

"But? But what Laksh? You feel you hurt me? No, you didn't just hurt me; I feel that you insulted me and my love; in every instance. I know I was never your choice, but you never had the audacity to keep your opinion before your father, huh?" Ragini spat as tears strolled down her cheeks.

"And then, the engagement was broken and I was better then but no! you had to pull me again into this mess; for what? For your brother. Perfect! I was so blinded by my feelings that I felt everything genuine." Laksh felt Ragini's eyes flaring.

"Then you declared your love for Swara to me. I admit that I tried to sabotage the wedding but by end I convinced myself for my sister. That's Fine! Live with your love. Ultimately, what did you do with your so called love? You couldn't even wait for her?" She took a breath and continued while Laksh waited for her to empty her frustration.

"I know, you shouldn't be blamed alone. But Laksh, because Swara left the wedding you were ready to marry me! What rubbish was that? How could you even think like that Laksh? Am I some toy? Like when you wish, you play with me! Do you know, you treated me like a useless tissue paper. Urghh!" She let out a low scream in annoyance.

"You know what Laksh; I feel that I was an idiot to love you. You neglected my feelings; shattered my faith. And you know what the worst part is; I can't show my vulnerability entirely. My sister will hold herself responsible for my struggle. My parents and grand parents will feel more helpless. I don't want. And in a way, it's all because of you! You... You... You are.." Ragini's words broke as the restrained sobs erupted making her whimper. "You ruined Ragini. And I--" She burst out into tears, even though she continued wiping away her tears furiously.

Laksh was astounded to hear the whole feelings from Ragini. The wound he gave her was far deeper than he thought making words refrained to make an exit from his mouth.

"Ragini.." He kept his hand on her shoulder after a while letting her to get a control on her emotional outburst. "Please don't cry. I can't handle it. Please."

"Why should you care about others tears when you are the one gifting them?" She said as a mocking smile spread over her face; her sobs reduced to snifflings.

"I admit, you have gone through a lot because of me. What can I do apart from saying my sincere apology? I don't know Ragini. You tell me."

"You think that you can compensate for all these? Amazing!" She said with a slight painful smirk on her face.

"No. I know nothing can compensate your pain. But there will be something I can do in repentance towards you. Ragini, I'm saying this from bottom of my heart, I feel extremely terrible about the way I had been to you and I accept I couldn't take the right decision at the right time or voice out my preferences. I had been always biased towards you; in fact, selfish. You only said once that love is a game of hearts and we can't help it. That happened with me too. I couldn't help myself in between everything. But I know in all these, you became the victim and I'm so so sorry for that. I really mean what I'm saying now. But the fact is that I can't change the past, Ragini. If I had the ability to do it, I would have gone backwards and would have done everything in the right manner. I know all these won't justify me or my deeds. What I can do is to act for a better future that would ease the pain of past. But, I can't do it alone. You need to..."

"Yeah, you can do something for me; alone." Ragini stood up wiping her tears cutting Laksh's words again. "Be the Laksh you were last days. And if you can, stay a little away from me. I don't want your repentance or anything else. We can't avoid each other entirely because now these families are bind together. But at least for some time, I need a break from you."

"But..." He tried to stop her from going, fretting. "Please, Ragini! One chance.. Let's be atleast friends. I need friendship from you." 

He couldn't just let it go. He wanted to infuriate her further for her blast on him; to let out everything! And end everything, so that they can have a new start; maybe a slow one.

"You think you will get my hands to shake for a friendship? In your dreams Mr. Laksh Maheswari! I accepted your sorry, okay. BUT, that doesn't mean that I forgave you. I just don't want you to approach me for another talk. So the matter is closed."

"How the matter is closed? We are still on the same places, Ragini." Laksh said with hopeful eyes. "Please, atleast ---- never mind.. I will have have to earn it."

Ragini stared back him with the anger left in her, "Even that wouldn't yield what you desire!"

The weight in his heart didn't get lifted off. He's no less guilty now. The same suffocation! But somewhere,her outburst did affect. As if, he started on the path of redemption.

"Your craving for 'sorry' is satisfied?" A familiar voice came from behind which turned to be of Sanskar's.

"Hmmm, to an extent. At least, she unleashed her fury on me. But I couldn't convince her for a new beginning." Laksh said with lowered head. Suddenly he looked up, "You were eavesdropping on us?"

"What! I just came out for a walk as I was not sleepy. Then saw Ragini going back from here. So guessed of being a confrontation scene here." Sanskar said shrugging his shoulders. "You feel better, now?"

"I guess. But needs more effort. I really want to make up for her pain though I cannot do it fully."

"All will end well. Okay, now go to sleep. Inform your nakchadi chori also." Sanskar giggled.

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