Dreaming Of You // Harry Styles

'Where do I go from here?'

“About two months…” I muttered, looking down and playing with my finger on the table.

“I like Jeanne…” She startled me, but she was speaking as if it was nothing of importance.

“What are you talking about, Mum?” My cheeks felt completely blushed.

“Are you going to deny it has something to do with her?” She inquired.

“No,” I mumbled, glancing away and lightly shaking my head.

“So that, then. I like Jeanne–––she sentenced. But why do I have the feeling you’ve been trying to avoid the topic since I arrived?”

“Because you are my mum…” I admitted. The presence of the waitress distracted us from our conversation for a moment. I nodded my head at her when I noticed my drink was effectively transparent. ‘Now drink it cautiously,’ I said to myself, taking a short sip.

“Is something happening, son?” Mum asked coming to hold my hand, an alarmed expression crawling across her face.

“No, nothing, Mummy,” I told her, leaving my glass on the table, but she didn’t seem to believe me. Mum tilted her head left exactly the same way she did when I was little. Oh, well, I’ve never been able to hide anything from her. I sighed. “I sort of asked her to be my girlfriend and she said no…” I couldn’t help but glimpse at our hands, resting together in front of me.

“Oh…” She wasn’t expecting that.

“I thought she was going to say yes–––I claimed, glancing away. But it seems she doesn’t care so much about me as I care about her… I’m not good enough for Jeanne…”

“Harry, how could you say something like that?–––mum blurted. Where is your self-confidence?” She made a pause to watch me closely. Suddenly, something shimmered on her eyes. “Harry… You are in love with her…”

“Mum…” I mumbled, instinctively turning away from her.

“Why don’t you want to have this conversation with me?–––she claimed. You’ve been avoiding it since Jay’s wedding… I know what I told you then, but I didn’t know it was already happening…” There was something strange in her voice, between emotion and surprise.

“I’m sorry, Mum. This moment…” I felt my eyes burning.

“Harry, I realise you are very affected by this… You say she said no… You can tell me; I’m your mother,” she murmured once she noticed my reaction.

“I don’t know what’s going on, Mum…–––I led my hand to my head. I’m afraid of everything. I’ve never felt this way.”

“Oh, Harry…” Mum muttered, bending over the table and reaching out for my cheek.

“I can’t help it–––I blurted, looking into space. I can't stop thinking about her and I miss her so much. I can’t keep her away. She’s everywhere…”

“Be careful, son…” Mum mused slowly, seemingly regretting it later. I bounced on my chair.

“Be careful of what, Mum?” I watched her on what seemed to be an internal debate between explaining herself and shutting up for good, and a nausea sensation surged my insides.

“You might be in love with Jeanne, son, but be careful not to obsess about her–––mum warned me. Nothing is less attractive than an obsessed man, even being beautiful as you are.” Her words stabbed me right into the heart. I contorted on my seat, turning my head away, uncomfortable. “Harry, Harry; look at me–––she said softly. If it’s meant to be, you’ll find the way…” She told me, smiling lovingly. Why were they all doubting me?