Project LOKI ③

Chapter 43: The Last of Augustus III (The Burden)

Alistair's so sharp, he doesn't have to be a detective to figure out what might be troubling me. "Mukhang wala akong maitatago sa 'yo. Tama ka. He said something that's been bothering me since I left his office. Ang dami-dami na kasing nangyayari. Parang mag-i-information overload na ang utak ko."

Sandaling natahimik si Al, napatingin sa ilalim ang kanyang mga mata.

"It's been days since I woke up from a coma and I haven't been much of help in the team. Alam ko namang kailangan kong mag-catch up sa mga araw o linggo na nawala ko," he said, his eyes blinked as they gazed at me. "I don't know what burdens you have right now, but if there's anything that I can do to help you, I'm always here. You already know that."

"Hey, responsibilidad naming i-fill in ka sa mga na-miss mo." I patted his shoulder. In the first place, it wasn't his fault that he fell into a coma. Kung may dapat sisihin, walang iba kung 'di si Cedric Castillejos. But he's probably paying for his crimes in hell. "I sincerely appreciate na gusto mong makatulong sa kung anuman ang pinapasan ko. Maybe it's a cross that I have to bear. Alone."

"Is something else going on?" Alistair asked. "Something more serious?"

Ilang segundo ko rin siyang tinitigan. I don't know what to answer. Kilalang-kilala niya talaga ako. Well, being his childhood friend, he would have sensed already kung may mabigat akong dinadala o wala.

Napakagat ako ng labi. Meron na namang bumabagabag sa 'kin. Bakit ba kasi sunod-sunod ang kumakatok sa isip ko? Mabuti't nakakaya ko pang i-handle ang mga bagay-bagay.

Napabalikwas ako ng tingin at napaisip. I thought of saying something to him, but I needed to think about it again. Ayaw kong may simulan ako tapos bigla kong babawiin dahil na-realize kong mali.

Alistair has been my friend since we were little kids. He's the only person that I could fully trust. He's been there when I was down. He's been there when I almost got abused. If you're looking for the epitome of the word "friend," look no more. He's right here, standing beside me.

Parang nagi-guilty tuloy ako. Mula nang simula siya sa QED Club, he's become part of the quest to bring down M's organization. I can't help but feel that I'm betraying the trust that we have by keeping him in the dark about the matters that I know. Alam kong hindi lahat ng bagay ay dapat i-share sa mga kaibigan natin, kahit gaano pa tayo ka-close. We have to keep some things to ourselves.

At the same time, I made a promise to Luthor that I would never tell anyone about what I know about him. His connection to M. Especially to Loki. God, no. Hindi ko alam ang mangyayari kapag nalaman niya. It's a heavy burden that I must bear until all of this is over. And I hope that happens sooner than later.

I heaved a long sigh. I'm torn between two options. Keeping the secret to myself or sharing it with the person that I trust the most.

Napangisi tuloy ko. I got upset at Loki for not telling me what he knew about Jamie. He said he trusts me, but keeping me in the dark contradicted what he had said. Ngayon, ako naman ang nahaharap sa parehong dilemma. I know something, and the one closest to me wasn't aware about it.

Alam ko namang it wouldn't hurt Alistair kung hindi ko sasabihin sa kanya. But guilt was knocking on my conscience. He's starting to notice. He might ask questions soon. Ngayon pa nga lang, nagtatanong na siya. Mabuti nga't hindi niya nabanggit kina Loki at Jamie kanina na kaming dalawa lang ni Luthor ang nag-usap sa student council office. He was asked to stay outside during our meeting.

Muli akong bumuntong-hininga. Pang-ilan na ba 'to? Tatlo? Apat.

Come on, Lorelei! Think! Should I tell him or not?