what if → Benny Rodriguez

chapter 15 | home run

"okay." she agrees and turns around to leave but i grab her arm.

"now i'm thinking acting normal might not be possible for you. so maybe just, don't talk. sound good?" i give her a thumbs up.

she rolls her eyes, "fine. i'll keep my mouth shut. but only if you tell me one thing." she smirks.

"okay, what?" i ask.

"tell me the full truth." she puts her hands on her hips.

"what?" i say a bit annoyed.

"do you like-like Benny?" she looks at him down by our neighbors and then back at me, "Because the way you talked about him that one night in the car with me and Jordyn when we went to get Taco Bell, it seemed like you did. but it's been a long time and you guys still aren't together."

i just stare at her not knowing what to say. she was my eleven year old sister, and i know she's a blabber mouth. everyone i knew was asking me that same question everyday and i was getting fed up with avoiding the truth. i knew my feelings, so what's the harm in at least one other person knowing.

"yes." i look down at my shoes.

"well then why don't you tell him?" she throws her arms up in the air, "it's so obvious that he likes you too!"

i put my hands over my face, "BECAUSE Evelyn it's complicated! you just don't understand. you're only eleven, and one day you'll be fourteen like me and you will understand. but for right now, don't go thinking you know everything okay?"

"but WHY?" she rolls her eyes.

"because he's my best friend and i wouldn't want to lose him if he didn't feel the same way." i push my hair back and take a deep breath, "i can't lose him Evs. i can't."

"but you'll never know until you try." she says, "stop being such a scaredy cat!"

as much as i don't want to admit it, she's right. she's totally, absolutely, 100% correct. the only thing holding me back was fear. fear i might lose him.

"what's going on out here?" Jordyn opens the front door and looks at us through tired eyes.

"none of your goddamn business that's what." i snap at her.

"jesus," she looks taken aback by my tone, "someone's in a mood."

"i'm not in a mood." i say, "it's just none of your business."

"actually it is my business because you two shitheads woke me up this early with your bickering." she points to her open bedroom window right above the front porch.

"okay, here's an idea." i step closer  to her now, "don't sleep with your fucking window open!"

"woah!" Evelyn yells.

"you need to calm down." Jordyn holds up her hands.

"how many times do i have to tell you that when you tell me to calm down, it just makes me angrier." i take a deep breath.

"i'm the queen of overreacting," Evelyn walks beside me, "but that was over the top."

thank god all the neighbors were talking loudly enough to cover all our fighting.

"alright well i'm going back to sleep, but watch out if you wake me up again." Jordyn lets out a cough when she finishes talking.

The image of her smoking by the side of our house replays in my mind when she coughs, and i feel like breaking down.

Evelyn puts her hand on my shoulder, "you need to tell him." she whispers and walks away towards the neighborhood party.

that's all i've been hearing from everyone. Jordyn, Kenny, now Evelyn, and even Bertram at one point. thinking back on what his mom told me last night, made me think maybe they were right.