When Two Worlds Collide

Chapter 10

Since no one was really into starting a conversation, Lance decided to spend his time looking around his surroundings. Everything was beautiful and vibrant. Since they were able to figure out that they could breathe the oxygen on the planet since it was almost identical to that of Earth's, they didn't need their helmets. Though they still had them with them just to be on the safe side. You never know when a sudden attack by the Garla could happen. They were just walking in silence when all of a sudden he heard a soft slap. Lance seemed to be the only one who heard it because no one else turned their head to look at what happened but him. And what he saw kind of alarmed him just a little bit.

Lance saw Keith walking beside him with a hand on his neck. He had a slight grimace on his face, but other than that he seemed okay. But something wasn't settling right with Lance on the matter. He kept his gaze on Keith hoping that the other would notice that he was being watched and respond. His plan worked because Keith looked over at Lance with a very questioning look. 'What?' He mouthed. Lance shook his head and pointed to the leader's neck. Keith followed his gaze to where he had placed his hand on his neck. He was just walking along, minding his own business when he felt something bite him on the neck. Keith winced and moved to slap away whatever bug it was that had bitten him. It hurt like a bitch, but when he pulled his hand back there weren't any traces of blood, so he didn't think that much of it at the time. He figured that he would ask Pidge or Coran about it later after the meetings were over. He wasn't surprised that Lance noticed him. Lance was way more observant about things and situations than people seem to either realize or give him credit for. And something about the way that he was looking at him made his stomach flutter in a weird kind of way.

'It's nothing.' Keith had mouthed to him. 'It's just a bug bite, we can deal with it after this.' He mouthed it with finality, but he could tell that Lance was okay with it, but he dropped it so they could get this over without any unnecessary drama. Eventually Lance gave up on staring at him and turned his attention back to the beautiful surroundings around them. And Keith didn't know what it was, but he felt his chest tighten when Lance looked away from him. He didn't like that feeling at all, but in the span of about 2 minutes since he had been bitten, Keith's been feeling really weird. The closest thing that he could think of to describe these feelings is that it felt like one of his incoming panic attacks. Which he really didn't want to happen. It wouldn't look good for Voltron if their leader were to have a complete meltdown in front of an alien monarch when trying to form an alliance. And he just had a feeling that his team would mock him for it if they found out. So Keith was trying his best to keep everything under control. He just had to get through the meeting and then he could go back to the Castle, get checked out for his bug bite and then go to his room and have his breakdown there. He just had to push through, which was something that he was very familiar with.

While trying to get his body back underneath his control, Keith had lost time somewhere around there. By the time that he had come back to himself they were coming up to the entrance of the Capital City of the planet. He still wasn't with it enough to be able to comprehend what it' s name was, he just knew that they were almost to the Queen. Trying to recall the research that he had done on this planet, Keith remembered that the Queen whose name he could not find, was really young. She couldn't be no older than Keith, and she was thrusted into the role of Queen when her parents were killed in an attack on their ship by a Girl cruiser on their way back from some diplomatic event. It was all things that Keith could relate to her about. It sucked to be an orphan and it was very stressful to be thrust into a roll that you weren't and probably won't ever be prepared for. And the one person that you could go to for help wasn't there anymore to help you. Maybe he could use this to their advantage? Was that why Allura had him do research so he would know what to do?

Deciding that now probably wasn't the right time to have this internal debate about why and what he was going to do if he was right about it. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts and bring himself back to reality, Keith thought that looking at the surrounding area would be better. Not only could he see where and if assassins could hide if it was some sort of trap for them, he also found it slightly calming for more than just that reason. He can remember being about 4 years old and his Dad would take him on all of these spur of the moment day trips around town and the surrounding areas of their little house. His Dad would point out any and all landmarks that he thought were either important or cool, regardless of whether they actually were by law or not. It was something that just the two of them used to do together and Keith loved it a lot. It was one of the things that he missed the most about his Dad when he died. He was always able to make Keith feel safe, and grounded no matter where they were. People used to tell him that he developed anxiety after his father's very traumatic death, Keith believes that more likely than not it's a problem that he's struggled with for all of his life but his Dad was able to control it and when he was gone.... Well let's just say it's a good thing that he eventually found Shiro or he would be very, very screwed at the moment. And now that Shiro's gone, he's not really sure what to do with himself anymore.

What felt like a mere few minutes later to Keith, he noticed that they were already at the gates to the throne room in the castle. He's been really bad about losing time today and needs to get his head in the game. This is important, the fate of the whole universe is depending on them as a team, and on him to save it. And he can't screw all of that up because he was off in Lala Land inside his own head. He needed to be here and now in the present, fully, both mentally and physically. Luckily they had to wait a little bit before they could actually see and talk to the Queen since one of her guards said that she and one of her advisors were stuck dealing with a very important matter that had occured that morning that had to be attended to. Keith could barely hear Allura tell the guard that it was fine and that they didn't mind to wait for a bit, and that she understood how easy it was for things unexpected to pop up when you least expect it and want it. Taking in a deep breath and letting it out, Keith looked around the room at the rest of the Team. For the most part they all seemed relatively calm about the situation. Allura was standing right next to him on the left, she seemed to be fixing the one stray hair that he could see out of place on her head. And knowing how Allura is, he knows that it's probably driving her crazy right now. Going down the line he can see Coran, who is currently engaged in a conversation with one of the guards who escorted them in. He seemed to be telling him some sort of story about his childhood maybe? He wasn't so sure but whatever it was the guard seemed kind of interested. And Hunk, who was standing next to the two of them, also seemed to be very interested in whatever Coran was talking about, and he was asking him questions about the stuff that he didn't understand. Turning to his right, Pidge was tinkering with her wrist computer, she was going over some data that they had found at an abandoned Garla Base a couple of weeks ago. And standing right beside him was Lance. Lance seemed to be lost in thought, Keith was wondering what he was thinking about. He doesn't know why but for some reason being around Lance was making him antsy. And not the kind of antsy he gets when they've walked into a trap or are in the middle of battle. No, this was more of, how should he say, butterflies in his stomach maybe? Yeah, that sounds about right. And that was making him extremely nervous and was part of the reason that he was so out of it. But at the same time being around Lance was calming. Even when they didn't get along Keith liked being around Lance, he made him feel calm and safe like Shiro did, even if Keith wanted to choke him half the time.  

Though for the moment Keith decided to store all of those feelings away for the time being. Now, wasn't the time for him to do stuff like this, especially with the way he normally dealt with him. He just had to get through this day and then he could go back to his room on the ship and break down. And to give credit where credit was due, the last couple of times that he had broken down after his last confrontation with Lance, he didn't cut. He did still self-harm though, but it wasn't anything too drastic, he just dug his nails into his arms and banged his head against the wall. But that was the least of the problems that he had today. Even though it's still bad that he did it, he hasn't cut in about a month now. It was extremely hard, and he still gets that thrum underneath his skin from time to time to cut. He hopes that Shiro wouldn't be too disappointed about the fact that he relapsed. And yes, he knows that Shiro wouldn't be upset with him since when they first talked about it, he had told him that he's going to relapse some. The road to recovery is harder than it looks, was what he used to say to him. But Keith can't help but feel guilty about it. Before Shiro had disappeared the first time Keith had made a promise to him that he was clean and that he wouldn't cut anymore. And almost as soon as he's gone again Keith fell apart. And he doesn't even know why it happened this time. This was the second time that Shiro has vanished on him. He wasn't like this the first time, though that was probably because he was so busy trying to find Shiro and what ended up being the Blue Lion.

Keith was brought out of his intrusive thoughts when he heard the announcement that the Queen was coming in. He shook his head again to clear his thoughts. He had to get his head back in the game, everything was riding on this. He was the leader, and he had to be there for his team, everyone was counting on him. He could do this, he could. But at the same time Keith had his doubts. He knew that he wasn't the right person for the job, he was a hothead and a screw up with abandonment issues. He could never do half as good of a job at this as Shiro could. But now wasn't the time  for him to dwell on anything. He had a very important  job to do rather he liked it or not, and it had to be done. He just had to hope that he didn't succumb underneath all of the pressure first.