Hate Me

?Broken?

I want to feel confident and happy although I'm shattered and hurt.

I honestly don't know how to start or what to start with. So I just let the alcohol take over.

I can feel it run through my veins.

My moves become and more violent when I hear Victor's words re-echo in my head...

I dance this way to try to shove his words to the back of my mind or better still block them out.

I have no idea what I am doing, but my body Is bending in ways I never knew it could.

I feel like I am possibly working on a hiplet.

Tears stream down my face as I dance. I'm dancing with anger and I am just trying to make myself forget what happened.

I can still feel the alcohol's presence strongly In my system.

Towards the end of the song, I throw a backflip and land on a split.

A stunt I never thought I could pull and know will never try when sober.

I stop dead in my tracks when I hear someone give a round of applause from the dark portion of the room.

I gulp as I had not imagined or thought anyone would be watching me during this display of madness and emotions through dance.

I remain in the spilt position waiting for the person to show him /herself.

My heartbeat intensifies as I anxiously wait to see who has just witnessed my display.

I have a sigh of relief as Nathaniel comes into the light.

He is still clapping and looking at me in utter disbelief.

I know I have to get up for courtesy's sake but the alcohol is taking over and wants me to remain on the floor. So I stay put.

He climbs onto the stage, walks up to me. Standing beside me and looking down at me ;

" you never told me you were such a good dancer." He says

" I never knew I was " I reply amidst pants as I try to steady my breathing.

" So was that a hiplet you were working on? "He asks

" I don't know I guess that's a question for the alcohol to answer " I reply lazily closing my eyes and feel the alcohol burn in my system.

It feels like a little candle has been lit in my abdomen and I love the fiery Sensation I get from it and the warmth is just another level of satisfaction.

"Do you still want to dance? " He questions.

"There's still enough energy in me for one more dance. " I reply as I open my eyes to look at him.

Our eyes meet and he doesn't break eye contact which just makes the whole situation a little awkward so I close my eyes back and he smiles. He walks towards the MP player and picks up my phone;

" what's your password? " he questions.

" Jaina " I reply.

no one knows Jaina is my password I haven't even told Faith.

The truth is, although I am fighting with Dina, I miss her company a lot.

Jaina was our code name. Formed by us when we were in Junior year one and I held onto it even though we are fighting.

That's why I used it as my password. Initially, I won't have told him that is my password but the alcohol is beginning to make me speak and that's just what I feared. Speaking irrationally. The alcohol has started pushing words out of my mouth.

I try my best to remain silent and only talk when I'm being spoken to.

" Jaina, hun? what's that? " he interrogates.

"It's the combination of mine and Dina's name." The alcohol answers for me again.

I have got to get a hold of myself else tonight might be a nasty Moment of Truth for me.

"I thought you guys are not on Talking terms." He is becoming too nosy and pesky. Something I would have addressed if I wasn't drunk.

He knows I am intoxicated and is drawing out as much as possible from me.

I would address that when I'm sober, but right now the alcohol has the upper hand so I just answer any question he asks me.

" Yeah we are not on talking terms but truth be told, I miss that bi*ch a hell lot. I really do miss her company and the good old times.

So I chose to keep the effing password as a memory. Just a random act" I reply with my eyes still shut.

The room falls silent and all I hear are his footsteps coming towards me. I Open my eyes to find him standing above me.

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