FREAKING OUT ? ? spencer reid

V

"So he's the unsub?" Hotch interjected.

I opened my eyes again, nodding. "After I found Maggie we went outside. I asked if we could go home, but her and my brother insisted on dancing to one more song. I agreed, but stayed outside because I was feeling sick. When they left I heard screaming. I tried to..." Just thinking about how alone that poor girl felt made me trail off. If I wasn't drunk I could've saved her. I could've done something.

"It's okay," Hotch reached out, placing his hand on mine. He knew exactly how I was feeling.

I let out a heavy breath, feeling my chest shake. "I tried to save her," I replied quietly, "but I got sick a-and before I could help, he, uh, he ran off." I stared down at at the table top, feeling Hotch's grip on my hand tighten. I shook my head. I felt ashamed, like I'd failed the team somehow.

"It's not your fault." Hotch responded calmly. He leaned forward in his seat. "This unsub is devolving. If you would've approached him, especially given the state you were in, you might not have been so lucky."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, but-"

"Listen to me."

I looked up, mimicking his intense gaze. "You did all you could do. If you weren't there we probably wouldn't have found the body so soon. Your call helped us." I knew he was right. Getting a call that quick was definitely a jackpot in this line of work. With a fresh body they could determine not only the exact time of death, but the approximate location of where the unsub could be.

Despite knowing that though, I still felt like shit. I pulled my hand away from Hotch's and grabbed the glass again. I stared at it for a couple of seconds, letting out a heavy sigh as I eventually brought it to my lips and downed the rest. As I did it, I felt Hotch watching curiously. His eyes scanned my body, stopping at specific parts before moving onto the next. I rolled my eyes again, knowing exactly what he was doing. He was profiling me.

"Are you just going to stare or do you have something to say?" I snapped.

Hotch leaned back in his seat, glancing up at Reid who remained still. After a couple of seconds he looked back at me, raising his brow as he stood up from his seat. He cleared his throat and smoothed out the front of his shirt. "Well, uh, I think you two should talk." He looked back at Reid. "I'll be waiting outside when you're done." Without another word he quickly left, closing the door behind him.

Once he was gone the tension in the room thickened. The idea of talking to him, especially now, made my heart hurt. I crossed my arms over my chest and glared up at him. His expression was absent, his eyes staring through my face as he mirrored my body language. Neither of us wanted to talk, that was obvious, but both of us knew we had to.

"What are you doing here?" He moved slowly into the seat across from me, leaning back as he narrowed his eyes.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?" He rolled his eyes and scoffed.

I scoffed back, everting my eyes from his intense gaze. I knew he wouldn't accept that as an answer, but right now I definitely didn't want to give it to him. He and I both knew how stubborn I was.

"Were you planning on telling me?"

I bit my lip, forcing myself to keep quiet.

"Or were you just going to move back and keep it a secret from everyone?" The tone of his voice was hard to listen to. I could tell how hurt he was. A couple of weeks prior to the breakup I basically ghosted him entirely, so he had every right to be.

"I wasn't going to keep it a secret from everyone," I responded in frustration.

"Just from me?"