Back in the Game (COMPLETE)

9.14.3

Sighing, Ahsoka turned back to Bo-Katan, who had watched the whole episode play out without trying to hide her smile. "Please don't feel obligated to do the same," she told her, entirely unwilling to force anyone else to follow Rex and Jesse's thought process.

Instead, though, Bo-Katan crossed her arms and asked, "How long have you known these clones?"

"Ever since I began fighting in the Clone War, four and a half years ago," she answered, remembering the first time she had walked onto a battlefield. "It'll be five years in a few months, actually."

"But you haven't been with them for those whole five years?" She confirmed, rounding the time frame up.

Ahsoka shook her head, trying to remember. "I went with them on a mission to Lokori about four months ago. That's been the only time I've seen most of them since I left the Jedi Order."

Looking at the door the clones had walked out of, Bo-Katan noted, "That kind of loyalty isn't just given, it's earned. If they want to call you general, I'd say it's their right to do so."

"Oh, you too?" She groaned but hid a smile. "It's more loyalty than I deserve, I know. I don't always feel like I've earned it."

Certain memories flashed in Ahsoka's mind, including a few from the Sister. That's why it took her a few moments to realize that Bo-Katan was staring at her, giving her a real smile. "What?"

"I've figured it out," she announced, making to leave the room. "I know why you left the Jedi."

"And why is that?" She asked, crossing her arms. She hadn't said anything on the topic, so she really didn't have any idea what to expect as an answer.

Like the clones, Bo-Katan made sure to not give Ahsoka a chance to have the last word. "You're too good for them," she declared, right before the doors cut her off from Ahsoka. For once, though, Ahsoka was glad she wasn't able to respond because she had no idea what she would have said. 

That hadn't been why she had left at all. She didn't trust them, not completely anyway, but she had never harbored enough pride to think that she was better than them. The Order certainly didn't share Bo-Katan's opinion, and Ahsoka was sure that if she divulged more about the Sister's history with the Jedi they would all but cut her off from them. 

Ahsoka wasn't ashamed of the Sister, nor of the Dark Side. She kept it in balance with the Light and neither of them used it to hurt people, not anymore. Unfortunately, in order to gain Sideous's trust the Sister had been forced to do unspeakable things, ones both of them had buried deep down inside and hid from everyone, Jedi or otherwise. While the two of them recognized that they were separate entities, Ahsoka couldn't use that as an excuse for what happened. Ahsoka was responsible for the Sister's existence and still held herself accountable for the decisions she made because she had most of Ahsoka's beliefs, morals, and ethics. Whether she had done it or not, she had agreed with the Sister that the things she did were necessary to reach their final goal and Ahsoka hated that. She hated that she had condoned the pain she had inflicted.

Maybe that's enough, the Sister told her, and Ahsoka could tell that internally she was grinning. Maybe knowing that what we did was wrong and that it never should have been done is sufficient. 

How? Ahsoka wondered, staring at her reflection in the glass top of the holotable. It doesn't change the past.

But it won't happen in the future. That was our promise to each other, that we would learn, the Sister reminded her. We know it was wrong, and that's more than the Sith can say. Tyrannus, Barriss, and probably Maul too, they wouldn't feel any remorse or regret for making someone else suffer for them. Even the Jedi don't always own up to their actions the way you have.