What Are We Doing?

It took them a bit of time to get used to living together again, they had their arguments but they were both happy. She would leave her dirty dishes lying around, or Killian wouldn't hang up his wet towels, but they were finally happy.

For weeks, Emma kept thinking about what Ruby told her, to let herself be happy. She knew that she needed to talk to Killian about it, tell him her fears but also her wants. Emma finally understood what Ruby was telling her at dinner, she saw Emma with Leo and could see something Emma hadn't even admitted to herself yet.

She wanted to have a family with Killian, but she was scared. She was scared she would lose the baby again, or that she'd be an awful mother.

Now, she was sitting on their back porch looking out at the water behind their house, curled up in one of Killian's sweatshirts with her favorite blanket. Killian had to teach a late class for another professor so she was alone with her thoughts.

Emma had zoned out, not hearing the back door open as Killian came out to find her. He knelt next to her, placing his hand on her shoulder gently, trying not to scare her.

"Swan.." He said softly.

She shook her head slightly, shaking herself out of her thoughts when she heard his voice. "Oh... Hey.." She smiled a little, leaning over to kiss his cheek.

"Is everything okay, Love?" He moved to sit on the bench next to her.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine.." Emma shifted so she could lean against him. "How was work?"

Killian kissed the top of her head. "It was good, Love.. Did you eat dinner already?"

She shook her head. "No, I've just been sitting out here thinking and I guess I lost track of time. I kind of want to talk to you.."

"Well, I picked up dinner on my way home, I figured you wouldn't have eaten.. Do you want to go in and we can talk while we eat?" He asked softly, running his fingers through her hair gently.

"Um.." Before she could finish her stomach growled and she smiled a little. "Yeah, I guess so.."

Killian chuckled and led her inside. They worked together to get plates of food and sat at the table. He let Emma take the lead on where she wanted the conversation to go since she said she wanted to talk to him.

Emma took a breath and turned to him. "I wanted to talk to you about um.. About our future?"

He rested his prosthetic on her thigh reassuringly. "Okay, what about it, Love? You don't want to break up with me right?"

She shook her head quickly. "No, no.. Nothing like that, Killian. I don't want you going anywhere." She bit her lip. "I was just thinking about.. About us having a family some day.. And I wanted to know where you stood on that front.." She admitted.

"Oh, Emma.." He brushed her hair from her face. "I would love to have a family with you, Swan. But I don't want you to feel like you have to want a family with me if you really don't, Love,, I'm not going anywhere, whether we have a family or not." He assured her.

She took his hand in hers. "That's not it, Killian.. I.. I think I do want a family.. But I'm scared.. I'm scared of losing another child.. Of not being a good mother.." She frowned. "I just, I don't know, and I guess I thought we needed to talk about it." She sighed.

Killian squeezed her hand gently. "I know it's scary, especially after having already lost a child.. But for what it's worth, I think you'd be a wonderful mother, Emma. You're so good with your kids at work, I don't think you'd be any different if it was a child of your own."

"But what if I'm just not meant to be a mom? And that's why I lost our baby before.." She looked away from him. "I just don't know, Killian.. I want to give you everything you want, and I want it too, but I'm worried my fears are too much.."

"If it won't make you happy as well, I don't want it. You're all I need in my life, Swan. We could always adopt if you want.. You and I both know that there are plenty of kids who need good homes.."

She nodded a little, looking back up at him. "You've thought about adopting?"

Killian saw a light flicker in her eyes when he nodded. "Aye, I know what it's like in the system.. And I know it's always been something you've thought about, Swan.. Adopting an older child who is usually overlooked, because you don't want any of them to feel like you did.."

She wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. "I didn't know you knew about that.. I mean, I know I was eventually adopted by Ruth, and was lucky enough to go to college, but.. I was seventeen when she adopted me, I spent seventeen years getting overlooked, and if I can, I want to be that person like Ruth was for me.."

Killian rubbed her back, holding her close. "Aye, well, when we're ready I want to look into adopting. And if we have a child of our own one day, just as well. I'll be ecstatic."

Emma kissed him softly. "Thank you for talking to me about this.. It's just been on my mind a lot since we went to visit your brother.. Seeing you with Cassie, and with Leo.. I knew you'd love to be a dad, and I just.. I thought you should know how I feel.. I'm trying to be better about that."

"I understand.. I've thought about it as well, but I knew you'd talk to me in your own time.. You usually do." He shrugged.

Killian was glad to be on the same page as she is about their future, they had come a long way with talking and being honest with each other. Emma settled into his embrace, and he kissed the top of her head.

"I'm not sure when, I just wanted you to know it's something I've been thinking about." She added.

"Whenever you're ready is when we'll start our family, alright, Love?" He assured her softly, and felt her nod against him.

Killian was grateful that Emma felt comfortable enough to talk to him about what she wanted, and to bring up her fears instead of getting in her head and pushing him away. He knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life making her happy, no matter what it took.

Killian played with her hair gently as they watched a movie that night, his mind more focused on conjuring images of Emma with their child than the actual movie. He ran his hand over her legs that were draped over his lap, finally feeling Emma relax against him contently.

She looked up at him with a small smile, she was just as distracted as he was, but she couldn't be happier than to be in his arms tonight. She thought about what it'd be like to spend an evening like this with a family, their children.

Emma was starting to picture a little girl with her father's bright blue eyes, and her blonde curls, or a little boy who was the spitting image of his father. She could see Killian cuddled up with their child, singing softly to them as they fell asleep on his chest.