Lesson Learned

You're very kind

Mitsuko sighed, staring at her socks when the freezing temperature chilled her toes through the open sandals. "I know...and I know you didn't have things easy either so I get that you don't like remembering the past but..." Her brow furrowed. "You can't just bury it, if we're going to move on we have to actually talk about it properly."

Mom fiddled with her cigarette for a while. "...I can understand that," she said quietly. "It's just difficult." She let out a deep breath. "I've never really talked to anyone about it besides your father, and even then he said he didn't like me dwelling on things like that." She stared at the ground. "He'd say there was no point talking about it when it couldn't be changed."

"Yeah, well dad isn't exactly the shining example of good mental health," Mitsuko replied grimly.

"No, he isn't," she murmured faintly. "I felt ashamed talking about it since he didn't like it so I just...I guess I decided it was better to keep those types of feelings to myself."

Mitsuko stayed quiet for a moment, trying to think of what the right thing to say. "Have you ever thought about...maybe...a therapist? Or a life coach or something?"

Mom stiffened, nearly snapping the cigarette in half. "I'm not getting sent away again."

"What? No!" Mitsuko quickly straightened up, looking at her mom in alarm. "I didn't mean that." She gripped her mom's arm. "I just meant, like maybe someone to just talk to so...so we know you're definitely okay." She leaned closer, sighing. "They won't let you take care of me and Gakushuu if they think you'll..."

Mom's expression looked pained. "If I relapse." Her hand trembled faintly as she smoked. "That's what I'm scared of."

"But you can get help....preferably not the same doctors as before," Mitsuko looked at her mom apprehensively. "There are support groups as well for lots of things, even..." She looked uncomfortable. "Even ones for parents coping with their child being gay and stuff..." She couldn't meet her mom's surprised gaze. "It could help you deal with a lot of stuff and get better—I'll even go with you if it makes you comfortable."

Mom's brow furrowed, staring at her. "...You'd go with me?"

"Of course, you're my mom," she replied firmly. "I want you to stay healthy and safe. I just want us all to be happy." Her gaze grew anxious. "But the only way we can start doing that is if you and dad have to be honest about the past and taking responsibility for it."

Mom shifted on the stop, looking uncomfortable. "I know." She sighed and flicked the cigarette to the ground. "You're brother made that obvious." She looked at her cautiously. "Is he still upset?"

"He's calmed down now," Mitsuko replied, rubbing her arms when the cold made her arms start to feel numb. "I can't say he's completely okay though."

Mom nodded hesitantly. "Will he be coming downstairs?"

"Well, he didn't seem eager, but he pretty much said he would." She folded her arms. "It depends. Are you and dad going make it all about you again?"

"No." Mom winced, lowering her gaze. "We won't."

Mitsuko hummed grimly. "Yeah, well, that's good at least."

***

Mitsuko kept a tight hold on her brother's hand as they walked into the dining room where mom and dad were silently laying out Christmas lunch. Both their parents froze when they saw the two of them in the archway.

Mom tensed, placing the plate of chicken on the table. "Oh..." She wrung her hands anxiously. "Will you two be joining us?"

Gakushuu scowled faintly. "I suppose so."