???????????? ? ??????

"I'm trying to tell you that I'm sorry, you idiot! I know what's going on and you know that I know better than anyone what you're going through. Please just let me be here for you!"

Charlie looked Alex in the eyes for the first time since she'd gotten there and said, "I don't need nor want you to be. Leave. I'm not fucking kidding."

"What are you gonna do if I don't, Charlie?" Alex yelled, throwing her arms out.

"Fuck--just get lost! Go bother someone else and let me be in peace."

Alex shook her head and looked at the doorway of the restaurant as a new song began to play. She shoved her hands in the pockets of her jeans and turned to go. "Fine. I tried."

Charlie was silent as Alex walked away, feeling that Tom Jones's It's Not Unusual was the absolute worst song that could've come on then.

Alex walked for a while, a hideous numb feeling in her chest and that stupid Tom Jones song playing in her head as she made her way toward an apartment she'd previously sworn to never return to. Her hand was heavy when she reached up to knock on that cursed door, and her tongue seemed to be stuck to the roof of her mouth when she tried to explain her reason for being there.

"Well?"

"I don't really know why I'm here," she failed to explain. "I don't know whether I want to feel something or not."

"Either way, you've come to the right place."

✩✩✩

Maura--yes, that Maura--was surprised to see Alex Kinney show up at Janet's apartment, but she didn't felt the need to make a scene (for once). She kept quiet and observed as Alex and Janet exchanged a few words before Janet led Alex into the living room and had her sit on the old black leather couch while she went into the kitchen for something.

She stared at Alex as if waiting for her to turn her head and look her way, but she never did. She seemed completely disinterested in her surroundings, keeping her eyes still and unfocused.

"So, what can I get you?" Janet asked as she walked back into the room carrying a bottle. "I've got Jack to start, but I get the feeling this isn't what you're after."

Alex shook her head but took the bottle when it was held out to her. "I'm not sure yet. Got anything new?"

Janet sat on the little table in front of the couch and lit a cigarette. "A few new things. But I don't know if I'd recommend them to you. Aren't you supposed to be on the straight and narrow?"

"Not anymore. And it's not like I ever got around to quitting drinking and smoking anyway."

"Yeah...but I would stick to the classics if I were you."

"Fine. Get me something classic."

"Alright. Wait here for a second." Janet left the room and Maura took that moment to speak up.

"What are you doing here, Alex?"

"What makes you think it's your business?" Alex didn't show any sign of surprise at hearing Maura's voice. She didn't even look up.