???????????? ? ??????

Charlie was probably going to say more, but Alex shook her head to discourage her from wasting her breath. She moved back after another minute and pulled Charlie inside. Once she'd had gotten Charlie a change of clothes, a cup of tea, and some tissues, they sat on the living room floor, silently watching the movie still playing on the TV.

"I fucked up," Charlie suddenly said. She saw Alex about to interject and beat her to the next sentence. "Let me say this. I'm so, so sorry for everything I did wrong. I should've told you what was going on instead of feeding off your own--pretty justified--anger and letting my frustration out on you. That was fucked up and I'm--"

"But it's not your fault," Alex finally interrupted. "I should've asked you if something else was going on. I know you. Why didn't I realize something was wrong? And even if I didn't, why did I keep it going? God, I'm an idiot. I should've known something was wrong."

Charlie shook her head. "It's not your job to read my mind and know what's going on. I don't even know why I didn't just tell you; I definitely knew you'd understand..." She trailed off and looked down at her cup of tea. "Can you forgive me?"

"You wouldn't be sitting there wearing my favorite shirt if I hadn't already," Alex said with a tiny grin. "Do you forgive me?"

"I don't think there's anything I need to forgive..."

"Shut up and tell me you do."

"Alright," Charlie said, laughing a little, "I forgive you."

They finished the movie and Alex went to sit on the now drying balcony, thinking Charlie might want a minute alone. She watched as the sky began to lighten and realized she'd been up for quite some time. She was trying to do the math to figure out how many hours it had been since she'd last slept when the door to the balcony opened and Charlie stepped out.

"Hey," Alex said, looking over at her friend. "Are you okay?"

Charlie nodded. "No offense, but you look like you might die if you don't go to sleep soon."

"I am always minutes away from dying. You know this. Oh, and I had a shit ton of coffee earlier and I don't think I could sleep if I wanted to."

"Oh my God, of course," Charlie laughed. She sighed and looked up at the still shining stars. "This sucks, huh?"

Alex tilted her head back as well. "Yeah. I still can't believe it, to be honest."

"Me neither. And after last year..."

"I know. But fuck all that it's his life, he can make his own choices bullshit. I'm not...I wish I'd..." She shook her head. "Why did all of this have to happen to us? Who the fuck did we kill in our past lives?"

Charlie let out a soft laugh and shrugged. "I don't know, but I'm thinking it was someone pretty important."

"Yeah..." Alex cleared her throat. "And listen, Charlie. No matter what happens, no matter how we fight or how much space is put between us--mental or physical--I'm always gonna be here for you. You might not want me to be and I wouldn't ask you to involve me in anything you don't want me to be a part of, but if you decide that you do, you can know that I never went anywhere. You are the best friend I've ever had and you deserve much better than what I can offer, but you still have it."