Dually Devoted ?

CHAPTER 18

Arnav was taken aback, again. He had never seen her taking things easy when it wasn't the right time to. She was more of a hardworker. To think he'd see her with no ambition!
He had always adored her determination, her dedication... so much that he did not just wish, but was sure she had a very bright and secure future ahead of her. However, in her easy-going manner today, he could only see carelessness. Where would it lead her, he feared.

Was this his fault, that he hadn't seen this coming? Is this what her supposed concern for him was making her into?

His jaw was set, fist clenched and face hardened. Oblivious to which, she went on, "What a person needs in life is happiness. And you, are my happiness, Arnav," she confessed, an unexpected confidence shimmering within her. "Why should I think of anything else, when I'm happy being like this? With you?"

Her confession of such deep feelings wrenched at his heart, making him seem so much smaller in front of her, but also fueling his anger. Sure, she had grown up into a beautiful girl, but her naivety that he had feared someone would take advantage of still remained. What's more? He... had become that Someone!

"Can you hear yourself, Arpita?" He roared. "Do you not see how worthless you're becoming?! This useless feeling your clinging on to will do you no good. Learn to think practically. Do you think everything is going to go as you want it to? Open your eyes, dammit!" He screamed, his hands flew up in annoyance. "You know me! You know me inside out. And yet, you like Me? Me of all people?! Have you gone insane?!" He continued to vent angrily, "I'm not the guy you dream of me to be. Get this into your head already.
Don't you see I like the way I'm living right now? Without commitments? If you think I'm going to change, you're wrong. I won't change."

Arpita had seen him flirting with various girls. She had been jealous, furious even. But when she had hit her toe to the leg of a table, not having seen it there, Arnav had appeared for her help in a jiffy. Leaving the other girls pouting. To think he had not only known of her presence but had also paid her enough attention to hear a small gasp of hers had already made her day. But it hadn't stopped there. He had without a moment of rethinking, bent down and taken off her heels, to check her toe.

She herself had felt uncomfortable with all her schoolmates looking their way. She knew the boys were snorting at his action. The cool guy of the school being so concerned about a nerd did not sit well with them. The girls either glared at her and awed looking at him. They were suddenly under the spotlight, but none of that had mattered to him. His image, his reputation, the fear of losing it hadn't fazed him at all. He acted as if he didn't know what was happening around him, though she knew that wasn't true. She could see all he cared about at that moment was her bleeding toe. He looked enraged, as he lectured her on her carelessness. But unlike the hard face he was showing to the world, his hand was touching her feet delicately, carefully. How could she not love this guy? How could she ever let him go?

After that, her anger had died down and she soon found herself observing and analyzing the situation better. The smile he showed them wasn't real; the way he spoke to them wasn't real, nor did he ever reprimand them for doing something he didn't like. It was the same as him not being with them!
The reason why he was suddenly this flirtatious with those random girls, was a mystery to her. Maybe he just wanted to be popular, she shrugged. Nonetheless, they all meant nothing to him. And that was clear to her. Even if he ended up not falling in love with her at all, she would still be the only girl he cares for, smiles at, and screams at with worry.

She needn't ask for more.

"I didn't tell you to change, Arnav. And I never will," she shook her head, her voice soft. "Calm down now, please," she pleaded, not wanting to argue anymore.

"Calm down?!" He asked, appalled at her. She was unknowingly testing his patience. "I can't calm down when you're acting like this! Why don't you understand? I want you to be happy, you fool."

"I told you, Arnav," she began, exhaustion evident in her voice, "I am happy-"

"For now! But you will regret it in the future," he said with certainty. "When you'll realize you should've been more selfish. That you could've had a better life, you'll start to get agitated. And you'll wish I hadn't even existed. You'll wish-"

"Arnav!" She scolded, her voice louder than normal. "Stop this! I'm never going to blame you for my own decisions. I'm not your mother-" she clasped her mouth shut as soon as she uttered those words, but the damage was already done.

His jaw clenched. His face was expressionless as he averted his eyes, tightened his fist and turned away.

"...Arnav," she begged, her voice merely a trembling whisper. "I'm s-sorry. That's not-"

"Shut up. Shut the f**k up." He seethed over his shoulder. Instantly regretting his sharp tone... Much softly, he glanced back at her, "Get a hold of yourself, for me," he said, before stomping away.

He wasn't angry at her for what she had uttered, for he knew she had said nothing wrong. He had never intended for her to think he was comparing her to his biological mother, because he already knew she would never be anything like that woman. But he had to make her understand that if we ever depend on others for our happiness, we are sure to break one day. He wanted her to be independent, to never get hurt, and to be her own reason to smile.

As he sat contemplating what he could do, a thought suddenly struck him. His eyes held grief shortly. Then a hard look. Certain that this idea would strike gold, even if it hurts in the process, he told himself that he had no other option. If it means she would get back to being her logical self, he would do anything... It didn't matter how much it would hurt him.

As long as I'm here, all you're gonna see is me... he thought emotionlessly. When you'll have no other choice but to live without me, that's when you'll see that I'm just a part of your life, not your happiness personified.

With that he had made up his mind. He was leaving this orphanage, the very next day!

***
Sigh.
Love always makes you a little irrational. Don't ya think?