The Heart Wants What It Wants ??

Chapter 62. [END]

"Hey." I finally spoke up first

It was kinda amusing. Seeing the man I called "ass", the man who hurt me, the man I cried over so many days- seeing him jump and panic at a simple "hey" felt...funny in a way.

"Hi." He mumbled and breathed in deeply "Can...Can we talk now? Are you still sleepy? We can-"

"Talk while I'm still too lazy to get out of bed."

I don't know. I don't know what I was feeling when I said those words.

"I'm sorry. I know what I said was horrible. I'm horrible. I have a horrible personality and I've hurt you so many times, but despite that...Despite that, I still can't help how I feel. I love you. I love you in a horrible way. A way that I know is so bad for you. It's toxic and a clear red flag, but I...I'm in love with you. I want to be with you. I want to hold you, kiss you, and do so much more. I tried to push you away. I hoped you would push me away, but...I can't. I can't give up on you or let you walk out of my life. It's horrible, I'm sorry, but I-"

"I love you too."

"I know you do, but-" he stopped and looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe I am. Maybe all my emotions are fried and I've gone insane making this choice, but...I just wanted to stop hurting. It was time to accept why this- why he hurts me so much.

"What do you mean? Don't you hate me?" He asked and looked so flustered.

"I'm tired." I laid back down and stared at the ceiling "I've been stressing over you and us and everything for ages. But...why? If I hated it so much...If I hate you so much, then why can't I leave you? Why do I still want you near and why do I still want to remember that kiss over and over again? I think..."

I looked at him who looked so confused and full of mixed emotions. Yeah. Who said love made sense? Love destroys you as much as it brings you up. It was the sharpest double edged sword that humans could develop. One one end, he made me feel strong, special, and just good. On the other end, he hurt me so many times. It was bad, he was bad, but he was who I wanted.

And who am I to deny what my heart wants?

"I think I'm in love with you. I think we should start over. I think we should, just this once, put everything that happened behind and start from a better place. I think I don't want to talk about the pain anymore. I just want you. I want us. I want to feel loved. Can you do that for me?"

And the way he cried with his face turning all ugly and wet with salty tears, it made me feel more secure in my decision. I think it's fine to be so reckless, right? Love isn't without its troubles and pain and even toxicity.

"I love you. I really really love you too. I'm so terribly in love with you. I have been for a while now." He cried as he kissed me and it tasted like salt, but it was somehow more bitter sweet like a dark chocolate.

"If you love me, then shut up and love me." I mumbled softly and pulled him in close so he, too, can fall so deep into this that crawling back out would be hard to do.

.
.
.

When dawn of the next day arrived, we both had about a hundred missed calls on my phone from all our friends combined. We didn't notice until later though because of the clothes strewn across the floor.

He held me close like he was afraid I'd leave, but gentle enough like he was afraid I'd break. All through the night he was like this- kissing me gently and sweetly with a touch of apology. He took extra care of me until I was ready for more.

One day, I might come to regret this. I might despise myself and wonder how on earth I could fall for this man and give him all of me. I might end up getting my heart absolutely shattered.

Or I could be the happiest I've ever been. I could thank myself for just choosing to be impulsive on this day. I could be married to him with lovely children. I could be buried next to him after dying right next to him.

Who knows? Love can never be confined into one specific thing. In fact, no one can ever truly know what love is. That's just how it is.

The Heart Wants What It Wants.

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End.

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A/N

AHAHAAHAH so- That's the end. Actually, I planned to abandon this story already. I couldn't bring myself to finish it what with everything going on in my life, but...I couldn't just leave this without an ending. It didddd annoy me XD

And so! here is the best ending I can give you. It's a little rushed, but this is the best I can do XD I'm actually pretty happy with it because it does get my original point across when I first started this story: that you can't dictate love.

Love will come to you like a sudden storm. It'll happen when you least expect it and it'll work in a way stories will never be able to properly capture, but it'll be there. No matter who you love, you will love and be loved.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me to this point. I'm not sure if I'll keep writing as my life has gotten wilder and more hectic, but I treasure everyone who read my stories. You gave me confidence and joy in my lowest of lows. You all brought me to where I am today. I still read everyone's comments- even those from way back to the beginning of If Only. Every one of you has a special place in my heart.

I hope and wish you all the best.

For now...

"We'll meet again
Don't know where
Don't know when
But I know we'll meet again some sunny day
Keep smiling through
Just like you always do
'Till the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away" - We'll Meet Again by Vera Lynn

Until next time.
All the love,

AB.