The Marionette ? Chuuya X Reader

33: Differences

"Aren't you going to greet me back?" Dazai suddenly pouts, walking towards you. You try not to flinch so to not give him any pleasure in knowing his darkness still haunts you, that his face still sends a shiver down your spine.

"No." You say curtly, though this gets you an unpleasant reaction from the man now inches away from you, grabbing hold of your chin and forcing you to look at him when you try to look away.

"Awe, but you owe me at least this. I let you off the hook on your last mission when we ran into each other."

"No." You try again, every nerve in you screaming to resist, but to control the anger you feel boiling up with his hands still on you.

"Did you think we were done? I let you walk away last time, but we've hardly done any talking."

"I don't want to talk to you. Let me go."

"Still lying to me...after all I've done for you?"

"You haven't done anything for me."

"You mean he's changed your mind about me already? That slug...what, you think he's saved you from me? That you owe him now?"

"Dazai...let me go. You don't control me anymore. You don't have anything over me. You admitted it last time, you never cared. I was a game to you. I'm over it."

"Really? Then why are you crying?"

At this, Dazai lets your face go, his smile twisting into a smirk, his eyes treating you like a butterfly pinned for an exhibit and his hand trailing down you until reaching your hand and holding it with a hard grasp. You yourself don't move other than your free hand lifting up to your cheeks, feeling your tears fall. You don't know what they mean. You don't know how to feel...

You just know you want him gone.

"I can see it all over your face you know, what you're really thinking, or maybe what you've been thinking since you last saw me. Personally, you haven't left my mind." He teases, leaning in to you so you have no choice but to stare, heart caught in your throat.

Did you know I'd be here?

Is this the universe laughing at me? Or is this still all you?

"...I hate you..." You let out in a whisper hardly audible.

"Hm?"

"I hate you." You repeat yourself, clearly this time, pushing him off of you and taking a few steps back, your brows furrowed and your head held high, your body burning.

"I mean it this time. I don't give a damn about you Dazai. So what if I think someone else has saved me now? Why do you always find me?"

"Mmm, I want something from you obviously."

"What?"

Dazai relaxes from the guarded stance he took when you had pushed him away, his hands resting in his beige trench coat pockets, his warm smile returning after he had spoken, all as if what had just happened was nothing but a joke to him between old friends.

"I want you to forgive me. Or rather, I want to give you a chance to put some things behind us. Don't you want to talk? Don't you want to ask me questions and for me to give you answers? I'll behave this time. For your sake. "

Answers to my questions...

"For my sake?"

"For you."

"You don't do things for other people. You always have a certain plan-"

"So what? Don't you want someone to understand?"

"You couldn't."

By the time Dazai has reached you again, you find yourself with your back to the bridge railings, your hands finding the wood and holding on. He isn't leaned in to you this time, but he's too close for your comfort. You can feel the heat of his body radiating off him, his calm heart beat contrasted by yours running wild along with your thoughts.

"Then we'll carry the guilt forever. Forgive me, [f/n]." Dazai whispers, stepping back and turning away until he looks back at you and chuckles, quickly pulling you to him and landing a kiss on your cheek before letting go and walking away with a wave of his hands, never looking back.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

You want to scream at him as he walks away, run after him and hit him as hard as you can while you let your tears fall again. You want to pull a reaction from him like he does of you. You want to cut all ties with who he's made you.

How could you ask me to forgive you?

What are you gaining from this?

You touch your hand to where you had felt his lips, repulsion flooding all over you, not at him but at your own self for receiving it, still feeling the traces of him and the blood he's made you spill.

You're angry, but not at him.

At yourself.

Chuuya...where are you?