Secrets and Things (MxM)

Chapter 24 - Does a broken toy deserve love?

Nerovsky. Take a deep breath. This was said by another voice from within me. A voice I hadn't heard in a long while. A voice that usually came out when I told it to. The voice of the other presence within me. I didn't respond. His instruction didn't register at the moment but what does register was someone calling out my name. Make it stop, just stop the suffering. Stop the pressure on my chest, the pressure in my mind. I wanted it to all end. Anything better than being stuck between darkness and reality.

"Nerovsky." Suddenly, a voice from the outside was right by his ear. My body was no longer floating in space. I was surrounded by warmth. "Take a deep breath, like me. Follow me." The words register and felt the person around me breathe deeply. It took nearly all of my effort to draw in the air to match his. My lung convulses through sobs, creating a jerking motion instead of the smooth one like the other person.

"There we go. Keep going. Follow my breath." Again, I followed the lead. Each breath pulled me out of the prison that was my mind. The real world became clearer and it was less chaotic. When I was able to draw air in on my own, no longer depending on the warmth guiding me out of my panic, I managed to open my eyes. It took me a few blinks to clear up the blurred vision, enough to understand what was happening around me (it was still a bit foggy though).

I was no longer in the elevator but rather on the floor, next to the elevator. The walls and the ceilings told me I was on the boss's floor. Why am I on the floor? Why am I here? Why am I not on my floor? I looked around more to find hints to my endless questions. However, I stopped when it occurred to me that the previous warmth that was around me hadn't disappeared. I felt it across my chest and it was really warm to my left as well as my back. I looked down to find an arm tighten across my chest and the source seemed to be from my right. I was half sprawled on the floor, on top of someone and half leaned against the wall.

When I turned my head to the right, I was met with a familiar pool of gold and below it, a familiar set of Armani material. The strong warmth surrounding me was Leo. Leo is holding me?

"You back with us, Nemo?" His voice was soft, serious and low in his ear. Wait, Nemo? Oi asshole I don't approve of that. DENIED. I nodded, not trusting my voice. The arms around me didn't let loose and continued to hold me, keeping me firmly in their grasp. One hand was in my hair, slowly stroking and nails were scraping my scalp. The other moved up and down on my hip, matching the pace with the breaths I was drawing in. It was easier to focus on the hands creating comfort than it was to try make sense of what was actually happening.

"Are you feeling better now?" Leo asked with his heavy British accent, several minutes later. My heart had gone back to normal (well it was still a bit paced up but being around this hunk tended to do that by default) and was no longer fighting my toxic thoughts and flashbacks. I nodded again, with a bit more energy than the last. Our eyes were still locked with each other when he breathed out, "Good. Do you know what just happened?"

I took a shaky inhale before breathily saying, "I... just had a p-panic attack, right?"

Leo nodded softly in agreement as if he wasn't trying to scare me with any sudden movements. "Great. So you know that. Now, this might be a bit hard on you. Do you remember why?"

My breath hitched but I managed to push it out of my throat, "...yeah. I know the trigger."

"Do you want to tell me or talk about it? It might help you to let it all out..."

I shook my head quite vigorously. "I- No thank you. I-I'd rather n-n-not talk about i-it or r-r-re-remember it. G-good short term r-relief." The fact that you saw this side of me at all is killing me inside. No one is meant to see it. Ever. Plus, even if I told you, I don't if you'd believe me and even if you do, I don't harm any plans you have with the man... well I do but I don't want you to be mad at me.