SEVENTEEN DEATH SERIES

MY SECRET ADMIRER DIED

February 27, 2017
2:07 a.m.

'Hello, this is Boo Seungkwan. If you got this voicemail, I'm probably away or sleeping deeply. Sorry for missing your call. Leave the message after the beep.'

"I just suddenly remem--- oh, how rude of me. Hello. It's me. Sorry for calling you this late. I just suddenly remembered that you left some of your things here in my place. Will you... Will you... Uhmm... Come to get them? I'm planning to clean the house and redo the interiors. If not, is it okay for you if I give them to Mingyu and have him return them to you? Or do I simply throw them out? I don't actually know what... Hmm... What do you think? Just call me and we could discuss it. Have a great day ahead. Bye."

March 3, 2017
11:35 p.m.

'Hello, this is Boo Seungkwan. If you got this voicemail, I'm probably away or sleeping deeply. Sorry for missing your call. Leave the message after the beep.'

"Why?! Why the fuck aren't you answering, Boo Seungkwan?! I... I-I can't deal with this anymore... Why aren't you answering?! Why aren't you checking up on me?! Why the fuck am I demanding you to care?! Why the fuck do I still care about you?! Why the fuck am I crying?! Why do I still fucking love you?! I-It's un...fair. I hate you! I hate you! I hate... I hate... Just---"

March 6, 2017
1:06 a.m.

'Hello, this is Boo Seungkwan. If you got this voicemail, I'm probably away or sleeping deeply. Sorry for missing your call. Leave the message after the beep.'

"H-Hi... It's me... again. Gosh, this is so embarrassing! I called to... Uhmm... Say sorry...? Yeah, about the call 3 days ago? I'm so so so sorry for that. I was so drunk that time. I didn't know what I was saying. I just remembered it now. Gosh, it's so embarrassing that I want to break my skull and check if I still have a brain or what! Are... Are you... Mad at m-me? I swear I was just so drunk that night. I'm so sorry for shouting at you and...sorry for bringing up the past. I can't believe I did that. By the way, I met Mingyu again yesterday. We just kinda had a short conversation about you. He told me that you're not feeling good these days. He said you keep on skipping meals and sleeping all day. Uhmm... Can I... ask why? Well, I'm just surprised beacuse you didn't do that when we were--- Uhmm, I mean back then. You were too conscious of your health back then so I'm just wondering why... you aren't yourself anymore. Please take care of yourself. And don't forget to take your vitamins. If ever that you ran out of your vitamins, I have some boxes of them here. Someone sent them to my house yesterday. Still have no idea who that might be but I just have to thank them for free stuffs I get. Anyway, that's it, I guess. Just don't skip meals and have time to be active. Have a great day ahead. Bye."

September 17, 2017
3:06 a.m.

"Hello? Who's---"

"Y/n?! Y/n! Please go to Pledis Hospital now. Seungkwan... Seungkwan... He's---"

"What?! Mingyu! Please calm down and complete your sentence!!"

"He's sick and dying... Please be here... He's--- he's asking for you! I---"

September 19, 2017
2:18 a.m.

'Hello, this is Boo Seungkwan. If you got this voicemail, I'm probably away or sleeping deeply. Sorry for missing your call. Leave the message after the beep.'

"Why...? Seungkwan... Why? Please tell me why you didn't tell me about your condition? I... I--- what... Wha-what were you thinking? Why... Why would you just die? You're so unfair. Why...?"

January 16, 2018
3:17 a.m.

'Hello, this is Boo Seungkwan. If you got this voicemail, I'm probably away or sleeping deeply....

Away from you all the time and just crying, or probably sleeping so deeply, and would never wake up again. Sorry for missing your calls. I actually never missed any. I... You may be wondering why you only heard this voicemail just now... Well, maybe wondering why I never picked up any of them. Honestly... I was... so afraid. I was just so afraid that the moment we start to talk again, even through the phone, I would come back to you... without a second thought. I was just so afraid that I would tell you everything and break your heart. Y/­n... I love you... I still love you and never stopped. When I learned about my condition, that I only have a few months to live... The first thing that I thought about was... your smile. Silly, but I really did. Maybe because that's what I loved the most about you. Your smile... plastered on your pretty face everyday, through happiness and pain. I thought about how that smile will turn into something heartbreaking...perhaps­ some soft sobs or tears... And... I don't want that to ever happen. That's why I broke up with you. Such irony, because I still saw you cry for me. I tried reasoning out with myself and thought so many times of calling back to you, but I... can't. I'm s-such a c-coward... I wanted to spend my last days with you but... I ruined that fantasy... I'm so sorry. How I wish that I could be strong enough to these to you personally... I'm very... I--- I'm sorry... I actually hoped for you to just forget about me. For you to find someone braver... stronger. But I was so glad when you started to send me voicemails. I know it's too selfish... but I prayed that you won't stop. Even though I don't want you to come back to me, I actually... hope that your voicemails won't stop filling my empty heart. That's why I kept on sending you things that would remind me to you... I'm sorry for purposely asking Mingyu to--- to your area. I'm so selfish... I'm... I... I'm so sorry, Y/n... For not telling you. For giving you reasons to remember me. For not being brave enough to answer your calls. For not being strong enough to hold your hands and kiss you forever, just like how I promised on our first anniversary. All those lies... I'm so sorry for telling them to you... Y/n... After this message... There will be no more. Stop sending. Stop loving me. I don't deserve it... Y/n... I love you. Please leave a message and leave me after the beep.'

"Seungkwan...? I'm sorry, my love. I can't stop loving you. I will stay loving you. Always remember that. I love you. I love you. I love you. Don't ever ask me to leave because I won't do that for the second time. I will live great days ahead. With your memories still lingering inside my heart. I love you and I won't stop."

January 16, 2019
4:56 p.m.

"Y/n? Why aren't you receiving anything from your secret admirer now? Have you finally meet him and gave him the chance?"

"No. He...died."

---The End---